


A Way Forward

by distantstarlight



Series: Property of John Watson. If Found Please Return DO NOT FEED [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Belly Kink, Borderline Personality Disorder, Codependency, Collars, Committed Relationship, Consensual Infidelity, Dom/sub Play, Dominant John, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sherlock, Established Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Family Dynamics, Fragile Mental State, Insanity, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, M/M, Making John Bigger, Mental Instability, Mentors, Murder Mystery, Not Canon Compliant, OOC Sherlock, Other, Protective John, Rimming, Rope Bondage, Sensory Deprivation, Sexy Sherlock, Shameless Smut, Sherlock's Past, Social Anxiety, Surprises, Threesome - F/M/M, True Love, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unstable Sherlock, adoration, submissive Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-09 21:36:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distantstarlight/pseuds/distantstarlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock and John are happily wed, have made a friend they love dearly and everyone is back in London. Sherlock is learning more about how to deal with his fragile new personality. John is by his side, relentless in his loving devotion for his unstable husband. A crime has been committed and the two of them are called to deal with it but can Sherlock resume his old life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Case

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of passion for this story. I've been thinking a lot about it since I made the first two installments and I wrote these beginning chapters weeks ago. I can actually see and feel this new Sherlock. He's emotional, exposed, frightened and raw. John is of course completely perfect. I believe in this relationship because John is always John, always ready to help Sherlock no matter how. This was my first fic for this fandom and it instantly fell victim to my inability to stop. I have been distracted with other series yet still chip away at this one. I hope you enjoyed the previous books and that this tale will take you places.

By the time we got back Dimmock was waiting in the foyer with Mrs Hudson and a small box of papers. “It's the South African ambassador. We don't know much but they've sent this for you and asked to meet with you this afternoon as soon as you can get there. They won't talk to the Yard at all.” I noted that Dimmock looked more rumpled than usual but dismissed his existence as unimportant to me. John handed me the box so I thumped upstairs with it while John made arrangements for later.

By the time he rejoined me I had already spread the papers out and was examining it all. John put my magnifier in my hand and I was vaguely aware of him moving around the flat while I looked over the scant information. He tapped on my shoulder eventually. “Tess will be back soon love. I've put her things in my old room. Come love, help me make lunch.”

Without hesitation I abandoned The Work. John knew I needed to think about what I had learned. I held things for him in the kitchen but he did all the actual cooking. I stood there and let the facts whirl about until I felt sure I had absorbed everything. I blinked and smiled down at him. John looked very happy. “This is wonderful Sherlock. I love the look on your face when you're thinking like that. You are perfectly focused, completely immersed in whatever has your interest. It's brilliant.”

“You know you say that out loud don't you.” I teased him. Kissing his cheek I pressed against his back and simply breathed in the scent of my brave soldier. He made me set the table while he prepped whatever it was he made for lunch and popped it in the oven. Once it was in he took me by the hand and brought me to our room. Kissing him again I carefully hung his dog tags around his neck and he hung my bullet around mine. Another loving kiss was shared as we touched one another briefly. I fingered our suits and decided they weren't up to par for the impression I wanted to make.

I went through all our clothes until I found two suits that I liked. We helped each other undress and redress. Our ties matched, both a vibrant green. The suits were charcoal, a favorite hue of mine and once again they were slightly different from one another but similar enough that John and I clearly matched. I knelt to lace John into his new shiny shoes and when I stood I almost forgot to breath.

“John! You're shining.” I said in a whisper. He was glowing. The light in the room seemed to collect around my husband to illuminate all his many beauties. John rolled his eyes.

“Don't be silly Sherlock. It's just the light from the window and the fact we haven't dusted in here for a bit. I'm not actually shining.” I waved away his explanation. For once I wasn't interested in logic. My conductor of light! John was shining whether he wanted to admit it or not. I proudly took his hand so we could adjourn to the kitchen.

The door downstairs slammed and we heard Tess ascending the staircase. When the door pushed open all of stopped moving and just looked at each other. John was the first to move. “Oh Tess! You are an absolute vision!” I couldn't move at all because John was right and I wanted to soak it all in.

They'd done something with her hair. It was shinier than ever and had been swept back into a neat coil that folded and disappeared into itself leaving behind flower of amazing intricacy. Even the gray in her hair had been teased back to make a wonderful pattern that enhanced the simple beauty of her hairdo. She was still bare faced but she was smoother somehow, clearer. Her skin was glowing as well and almost shimmered in the early morning light. John was holding her hand and I watched as he lifted it to his lips to press and admiring kiss to it. Her nails had been shaped and painted the lightest shade of pink and were tipped with white arcs. It was enchanting.

Tess was staring right back. “Bugger! Trust me to be done up as best as can be expected and STILL be shown up by a pair of blokes.” I moved ahead and took her other hand to press my own kiss to it.

“John is unfairly handsome but he speaks the truth. You are a vision Tess.” I kissed her hand again and took her upstairs where we had laid out some selections for her to choose from. She smacked my hand when I tried to help her undress and chased us both right out of the room. I groused all the way back to the kitchen while John laughed softly. “Well she could have kissed us or something.”

“Let her have a minute darling. She's not used to all the fuss and bother. Not all of us can sweep in and out of anywhere and ignore everything we don't like.” I hadn't thought of that. Tess was so brave I hadn't even considered that she might actually feel nervous meeting new people. I recalled what she had said before about wanting to be in the background, unseen and unjudged. I felt awful.

“John have I made a mistake? Did I pressure Tess into coming with us thereby making her feel insecure which I then exacerbated by sending her off to a salon?” I was sure I was right but John just shook his head and stroked my hand.

“Darling of course you didn't. Tess doesn't do what she doesn't feel like doing. She knows how to say no and make us believe it. I think she just wants to have a bit of say in what she wears so let her choose on her own. Come darling, we'll make tea.” Tea solved everything. John's faith in the soothing properties of a good cup of tea was never shaken. I stood there while he puttered. I kept my eyes closed and went over the details that I had been given. It was mostly pointless but I went through all of it diligently. The papers included generic schematics of the consulate as well as a list of staff and anyone else who might have a reason to be in the building. Not one word about what the case was actually about though.

I caught a whiff of sweet perfume and turned. Tess! I grasped John's hip and he turned to see. “Tess! You've upgraded from being a vision to being a fantasy!” Oh John! He was so right. She was gorgeous. Tess had chosen a smart black business set with a simple but elegant blouse in pale green. She seemed coldly professional but the shape of her brows and the curve of her mouth were a subtly delicious promise of wicked. Tess and John! So much the same. They wore their plain disguises with ease. Both seemed so much less than they were. How could anyone fall for it? I was in raptures again over my gentle loves. Such mystery. Such complexity. Such glorious combinations of imperfections. A puzzle times two.

“Well that's an expression to stroke a girl's ego. Thanks boys. What's for lunch?” Tess seated herself. I laughed with delight. She was still Tess, nothing had changed. I sat beside her to pour her tea while John served up one of his stir-fry concoctions. Tess eyed it for a second then began eating. We joined her and spent the whole meal in quiet contemplation of her. “You stare a lot.”

“Sorry.” I said but didn't stop. After a minute I felt compelled to add. “I want to admire you as much as I can before our time is over. I know you'll leave us entirely and it will be too soon when it happens. Thank you for staying with us Tess.”

“I was actually just fantasizing about sex but I agree with Sherlock. I'd like to soak in all the lovely before it's gone.” John was sincere. Tess giggled at his comment.

“You boys are sex mad! Well not right now. I believe we've kept all the important people waiting long enough don't you think?” I sighed and nodded. John took out his phone to tell Dimmock we were on our way.

When we arrived there were some faces made at Tess' presence but John just looked at them. The faces smoothed out and Tess was allowed to accompany us without further fuss. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and whispered, “I'd never believed it if I hadn't seen it. You actually cowed all of them without saying a word. Well done Captain Watson-Holmes!” It did have a nice ring to it. We proceeded to a receiving area where we met with the same group of men that had come by before our wedding. One face was missing. “Where is Naeem?” I asked before a word could be said.

Another delegate stepped forward. “I am Cosmo. Follow me Sirs. You must see.” We left everyone behind and followed the tall stranger down several hallways. A plain wooden door was pushed open to reveal a room. Inside was a narrow bed and in it lay Naeem.

“Everyone stop moving. Tess don't come closer. Cosmo stay by the door. John?” John took my hand and we looked upon the sad remains of our new friend Naeem. His cheeks had been slit open on either side. His body was undisturbed but we could see that all his fingers had been removed. His eyes were wide open, already filmy with death. His blankets were undisturbed. I closed my eyes before reopening them to flicker around the room. I took in everything one blink at a time and for a minute I was lost.

Madness reigned. I had no control over my senses. I couldn't stop taking in everything around me all at once. The sounds! The scents! I could smell the blood, it's metallic tang unfamiliar but settling in my nose. I could smell the spices from his last meal, the almost medicinal scent coming from whatever his bedding was washed in and a thousand and one aromas that told me nearly as much as what I saw did. One detail after another was dismissed as irrelevant until I was left with only the facts that mattered. My eyes fluttered shut to shut out the riot of images. I pressed my hands over my ears to dim the few sounds and I forgot where I was until a gentle hand stroked my cheek and another hand settled at the nape of my neck. A warm voice whispered, “Sherlock.”

My eyes snapped open and I moved forward. I smelled over Naeem carefully and allowed my eyes to roam the room. “John?” I asked. John stepped forward and ran a professional eye over the soiled bedding.

“He had to have been poisoned somehow, something to keep him paralyzed but awake. He was awake when all this happened to him. There's too much blood and not enough at the same time. Look at it Sherlock. It's pooled right where his fingers end but there's nothing spattered about. His eyes are open but he didn't struggle a bit. He was sliced up and he didn't move.” Tess gagged and we turned to her. She had her eyes closed now so we closed ranks and held her between us. Cosmo averted his eyes politely as we comforted her, “Tess, we shouldn't have brought you here without checking first. You shouldn't see this.”

She breathed deep for a minute and shook her head. “No John. I'll be fine. It was a moment and now it's passed. Continue.” Oh she was so brave. I allowed my hand to press to the back of hers before returning to my examination of the room. I asked Cosmo to name off everything he knew about what had happened.

“He was at dinner with all of us last night. He went to bed as normal. No one heard anything. The maid went in to bring him his morning tea and found him like this. The châtelaine was with her and they called us right away. Everyone who is supposed to be here is accounted for. Our security tapes are at your disposal as is everyone who is in the consulate. We need to know what happened! Naeem is very well known and liked. His family will be devastated and will demand answers.” I nodded and Tess drew the man out into the hallway.

John and I continued to examine the scene. “We were given poisons and antidotes by this group and someone poisoned him. Are they related?” I nodded. Possible. I had some ideas about the motivation so I looked the body over carefully once again.

“I think I know why John but what we really need to know is who and how.” John nodded. He stroked my back gently and we let ourselves out of the room, shutting the door carefully behind us. I knew people from different countries had different ideas about how their deceased should be treated. Instead of just making demands and not caring about how they reacted I found myself actually asking. “We'll need to have his body examined for toxins but he can be removed now. We have a friend in the city that can help us make the official confirmation. She will be most respectful and she understands the gravity of this. Will this be allowed?”

Cosmo bowed low and looked sorrowful. “It will be allowed if you think it is necessary. Whatever your requests are, they will be met Sirs. We must have answers.” We went back to the receiving area and began to interview one person at a time. After a young maid left the table Tess leaned over. “She was lying her arse off.” I nodded and Tess continued. “That was the maid who was supposed to be serving dinner last night but she said she was off before then. She looked scared shitless too. Look at her.”

I had noticed the nervousness and had already noted the slip. The girl was afraid. John's eyes ran over everyone left in the room and stopped on a portly gentleman who had watched the girl depart. “Him.” Said John so I called him next. John saw the pieces in front of us as clearly as I did now. He had remembered everything I had taught him about observing and seeing. I squeezed his hand briefly before turning my attention back to the matter at hand.

We allowed the man to explain his position within the household and expound on his important connections to the remaining delegates. We asked him nothing and with a small nod we allowed him to rejoin the group of his peers. We worked our way one person from another. John asked all the questions, guided by me with a look or a touch. Tess remained impassively silent as everyone milled around before leaving the room empty. It was all depressingly straightforward. I almost sighed. John looked at me and nodded. He'd put it all together just as I had.

“Sherlock.” whispered John. A tug of my sleeve made me watch the last of a discrete doorway close silently. A hidden exit. Someone had slipped away. Why? We had let everyone leave as a group, right out the main doors. Who would need to slip away? John cut his eyes towards it. “Go.”

We got up and walked directly to it. I felt around cautiously before finding a depression in the wallpaper. Pressing it gently the door swung open and two passageways were revealed. John and I looked at one another. We were in perfect accord. Our hands pressed together for only an instant before we separated and went down a hallway, each alone. The game was on.

Mine turned sharply several times before ending in another door. The journey had only taken a few minutes. I couldn't be far from the receiving area. When I pushed it open my I nearly screamed. John was pinned to a wall by a short husky man. A long bladed knife was being pushed into John's shoulder while John struggled silently to keep it from continuing. I went berserk.

“JOHN!” I ran forward only to be surprised by another man who stepped through the same exit John must have used. Another knife flashed up but I stepped back automatically. I had to get to John as soon as possible. My hand flickered out and I struck my attacker's wrist hard. The knife almost fell to the ground but I snapped it up. With a single upward thrust I stabbed the man through the top of his throat, the blade ending in his brain. I yanked it out and attacked my second foe.

I ripped the stocky man away from John and threw him against the far wall. I ignored him only long enough to see that John was bloody but not in serious danger. My brave soldier! John looked up at me and hissed again, “Go.” I went. I could hear running feet approaching. They could be friends or they could be adversaries. I had no time to lose.

The man produced another blade and slashed toward me but I blocked him easily. My arms were longer and my rage was out of control. There was blood on his knife. John's blood. My John's blood! I didn't hesitate. Feinting quickly to one side I took the man entirely by surprise when I darted back and neatly slashed his shoulders, first one side and then the other. The knife I had taken was sharp. Material and flesh parted easily. The man's arms were entirely useless now and he dropped to his knees looking completely surprised. It took a moment of shock before he began to scream in pain. We'd need information from him so I didn't make the final fatal slash the way I so desperately wanted to.

Suddenly a crowd of people arrived. Some were the delegates we had just interviewed. One of the was Cosmo. I ignored all of them. I needed to see to John. My John! Cosmo saw the men on the floor. “Bryant! Gustave!” John stood up and Tess ran up looking horrified. John leaned back on a wall while I pressed a silk handkerchief to the cut to staunch the bleeding. I kissed him tenderly and held him tight while we waited for medics to arrive. The man identified as Bryant was taken away still screaming and John insisted on using a private room somewhere else to be stitched up. He refused to go to the hospital.

Tess was almost swaying with shock so we made her sit down in a deep chair off in the corner of the room. I couldn't focus on her if she needed me. John was hurt and that's all I could think about. John was hurt. John had bled. John could have been killed. It all happened so fast and I had almost lost John! I felt sick and I shut my eyes. I couldn't look at the blood. His blood. My life's blood. “Sherlock. Sherlock darling open your eyes. Open your eyes my angel, look at me. Look at your John. Sherlock!” My eyes snapped open and I looked into the most beautiful pair of blue eyes in existence. He was smiling up at me. Once again I drowned in the love that poured from him. For a minute all my fears, all my anxieties, all of it just melted away when I felt his fingers on my neck. “I'm alright love. I'm okay. I've got one more small scar but I've got a bit to go before I catch up to you. I'm alright.”

“John!” I exclaimed and hugged him as tenderly as I could. We carefully removed his jacket and shirt, both now hopelessly ruined. The cut was very small and the doctor who arrived stitched it neatly in only a few minutes. The scar would be nearly invisible but in my eyes it represented so much that almost happened that I could not tear my eyes away. John! “John we're going home.”

I helped him up and gave him my suit jacket to wear. I would have given him my shirt too but he had protested. Tess carried the bloody items we'd taken off him and without another word we left the consulate. I took John directly back to 221B. Tess stayed in the living room while John and I reexamined the stitches before covering it with a bandage from our own kit in the bathroom. John petted my arm. My hands were trembling. “It'll be a few days but I'll be fine. It's okay Sherlock.”

“The Work! It's not worth it John. I can call Dimmock in a while. I know who did it and why. The names of our attackers told me everything. It would have obvious if they'd even tried to look! We had no chance of saving Naeem and I almost lost you. It's not worth it.” I felt weak and ill again. John pressed his fingers to my forehead and looked at me sharply. 

“Lid up.” he said and lifted the toilet seat just in time for me to get sick. I could not stop the panic that rose up in me and I emptied myself over and over again until I was wrung out. The knife had sunk only a couple of inches but still. The scarlet drip that stained John's clothes. I felt pain in my own shoulder and wished it had been me instead of my precious John. A minute longer and he could have been lost to me and for what? The game? A dead man? When I collapsed with my ass on the floor John knelt beside me and used his good hand to wipe the sweat from my brow with a damp flannel. I used it to wipe my mouth after.

John helped me back to my feet so I brushed my teeth and washed up almost obsessively. John needed to turn the taps off and take my hands out from under the water as I struggled to clean the fresh blood away. “They're clean Sherlock. You got it all. See?” John kissed my fingers tenderly all over before showing me. I saw that he was right. They were clean. I sighed with relief and he helped me dry them with a warm towel.

I helped him into a robe and we went back downstairs. Tess hugged John tenderly and gave me a big squeeze. “You boys alright? John? Sherlock?” I nodded but went to the kitchen to call Dimmock. I ranted at him for a minute for daring bring us the case, blamed him for nearly getting John killed for no better reason than petty vengeance. Poor Naeem had been killed because his niece had been returned to him when other girls had not made it back to their families. He had not been the only delegate to have lost a loved one to the flesh market. Someone in their group had lashed out in helpless rage. That much was evident from the patterns and methods of his maiming, “The maid was blackmailed by her superior into delivering a glass of water to Naeem before he retired. The water was not poisoned but the glass was treated with a toxin that paralyzed the man entirely. The two men who attacked John and I were the ones who cut Naeem up to send a message. Proof? I don't care about your proof. That's what happened and if you want to know more DO YOUR OWN JOB!”

I hung up on Dimmock and forced him to deal with the embassy in my stead. I didn't care how abruptly I cut him off. I wasn't going to help anymore. A bit more digging would easily produce any proof they required but I was not going to help one jot. I'd done enough. I would refuse all payment. I didn't want anything to do with anything that had hurt my John. I was furious once again and regretted killing the first man so slowly. I stood there and let the storm in my head rage again. It would have been so easy, so very easy to hurt them all. Find the one who had sent the man. Find the one who gave the order. Follow the chain of command up and up. So simple to make them scream. All I needed to do wa....

“Sherlock.” A hand at my neck and my eyes snapped open. A second later I felt a warm smooth sensation as John slipped the collar around my neck and managed to fasten it with only one hand. My thoughts slowed down. I calmed one breath at a time until my shoulders finally sagged. These weren't my decisions to make. They were John's. I let go. “There you go my love. Come. Sit with me.”

I followed John and sank to the floor. Laying my head on his lap I closed my eyes and let him stroke my hair. We all sat quietly for a long time and all I could focus on was the rustle of my hair and the firm warmth of John's fingers as they carded through my curls. The scent of him filled me up. The warmth of him soothed me. Finally Tess stirred. “I'm making dinner.”

John must have agreed or something because she got up and I could hear her puttering around the kitchen. Nice smells began to fill the flat and eventually I was able to move a bit on my own. I uncoiled from around John's legs and examined his face. He was aching a bit. I kissed his cheek and left to get him some pain killers and a cup of tea. When I returned I folded myself back onto the floor and handed the pills to him and then held his tea cup until he was ready to drink.

John was done his tea by the time Tess returned. She sank into John's chair and looked at the two of us. “Well I guess we'll need to begin training sooner rather than later. I can see this is no longer about sex.” I closed my eyes. I couldn't think about that. I couldn't think about anything. I was caught right now. I was still frightened. I was still shocked. I was still worried. John was the one who was hurt but here he was, comforting me once again. I couldn't think.

“He'll be fine Tess. It was a lot of stress all of a sudden and now we know for sure he's not ready. No more cases. Not for a while. We've asked too much of him too fast.” Tess listened to John and stayed quiet.

“This didn't happen before though. When we were on our road trip. He had no problems then and no real reaction after.” Well she was right. I kept my eyes closed.

John sounded almost angry then. “I didn't get hurt then. I was fine so he was fine. Now I'm not fine and he won't be fine until I'm alright. That's how it is. This is me doing this to him.” John was blaming himself!

I lifted my head and looked into his sweet face, “John. No John. It's not your fault. Nothing is your fault. It's mine. I asked to do the case. We didn't need to even be there. We could have solved everything from here but I was excited to go, excited to be doing The Work together after so long. I risked everything and for what? A crime that we can't stop from happening again? A man lost his life causing another man to lose his life which almost caused the man I love more than anything to lose his life and it's not worth it! Crimes will always be committed. Criminals will always rise up. Mysteries will remain unsolved. Those things will always be there but you won't John. There is only one you and I can't risk you. I can't. I'm sorry. I can't play the game anymore. Not now. Maybe not ever.”

John just smiled at me and caressed my cheek. “Whatever you want love. Anything at all.” Oh. Oh John! So understanding. So forgiving. So accepting. How I loved my marvelous, wonderful, magnificent John. I got up onto my knees and kissed him with devotion.

“Can we just live for a while John? Can we just be us together with nothing else to bind us, to threaten us? I'm still broken. You saw. You control it but you know. You know, don't you.” I looked into his eyes and saw understanding once again. He knew how insane I was, knew how unprepared I was to deal with the real world as we once knew it. I felt reassured and kissed him again when I saw his own brand of madness in his eyes. Oh my John. Madmen together then. That would be more than fine.

Tess sighed. “You both need to learn so much. Come on then. Dinner.” John made me stand and I helped him up. I followed him to the table closely. Pushing our chairs together I sat as close to John as I could get. Tess served us before she served herself and watched with a small smile while I fed John, even though he complained that his other hand was perfectly fine. “Let him fuss John.”

John stopped protesting and let me feed him. I needed to take care of him. I needed to know that he was alright, that he was still with me. I know I was hovering and being clingier than ever but I couldn't stop myself. John eventually just accepted it with as much grace as he could muster. The meal finished in silence. Tess made us go sit back down while she cleaned up. After she was done she sat back in John's chair with a heavy sigh.

“Sherlock. It's obvious to me what you need. I can help. John, I'll need you to pay special attention to everything we're going to do tonight. Tell Sherlock to bring the bag down.” I was listening intently and arched up when John's hand stroked the back of my neck. Tess was so perceptive. She knew I would only listen to John. His voice was the only voice that mattered anymore.

“Go ahead love. Go bring the bag down and set it on the coffee table. Go on.” I nodded and glided away smoothly. Retrieving the bag that Tess had filled I brought it down and placed it as requested. Tess opened the bag as I settled back against John. She drew out a length of silk cloth and coil of black rope.

“John. Ask Sherlock to strip completely and stand straight.” John did as she asked so I did as I was asked. Without hesitation I divested myself of everything I was wearing, neatly folding it and setting it beside John on the sofa. I stood there calmly and just waited.

Tess looked at John. “Sherlock is out of control and he needs to learn how to get that back. We're going to deprive him of some of his freedoms so he can become accustomed to his limitations. We are going to teach him how to accept the boundaries you set up. It will give him structure. Support. Watch what I do very carefully. Ask Sherlock to stay still while I do what I need to do.”

“Sherlock. I want you to allow Tess to help you. Please stay very still love. I'm right here beside you. I can see everything that's happening. If you want us to stop I want you to drop these.” John reached into his shirt and tugged out his dog tags. He wrapped the necklace around my hand and I clutched the tags tight. John kissed the hand that held them before letting go. I took a deep breath and looked straight ahead. “Listen to what Tess tells you darling. Let her do what she needs to do. I'm right here.”

I nodded. Tess stepped forward and spoke in a soft gentle voice. “I need you to kneel Sherlock but keep your back straight. I want you to face forward and keep calm.” I did as she asked but couldn't stop my gasp when she blinded me with the silk sash. She bound it over my eyes, lapping several times until I could see nothing. Tess knotted it behind my head and I felt John's hand stroke over my arm.

Tess then began wrapping the soft length of rope around my body. She criss crossed my chest and tucked under my arms. She adjusted it carefully, working her way down my torso until my arms were woven behind my back, my wrists crossed and my chest pulled forward. It wasn't uncomfortable but after she knotted it tight I couldn't change the pose she had put me in. “Calm him John. Tell him to be still.”

John's hand stroked over my chest now and I felt his lips press to my cheek. I huffed in the smell of him and felt his mouth move to the shell of my ear. “Shh my fine beauty. Still. Calm. Quiet. You can do this.” I shivered and tried to calm myself. I couldn't stop though. I was tied up and I could not move. I began to struggle. I fought the bindings and began to heave and pant. I could hear Tess tell John to sit back, to let me fight. Fight I did. 

I threw myself from side to side, twisting and bending as much as I could but I could not release the bindings. I couldn't see and I couldn't move! I felt panic. I felt the need to bolt, to run. I needed hide. From what though? John? Never from John. Tess? No, I loved Tess and she loved me. They were helping me. John was there and I trusted John to know best. A huge breath escaped me and suddenly I collapsed into my bindings, giving in completely. I was safe and they were in control. I had nothing to fear.

“Good. Good Sherlock. Just breath. John is right beside you. I want you to concentrate on breathing. In and out. Nice and calm. I've taken away your sight so you aren't distracted by everything you see or think you see. I've taken away your mobility to help you understand that you are not in charge of moving. You do as John says, that's it. Today was a big day, lots of big things happened but that's behind us now. Everything is behind us now and there's nothing but forward. All you need to do right now is breath Sherlock.”

I breathed. I could hear the air suck into my lungs and whoosh out again. I could hear my heart beat, like thunder it was deep in my chest. I could smell John close by, almost feel the warmth of him as I knelt there. I felt Tess' soft hands at my knees, pulling them apart, arranging me until I was sitting on my heels and breathing naturally. “This pose can be kept for as long as John chooses. If at any point you become uncomfortable or too frightened simply drop the dog tags and we will release you. You will now stay here for fifteen minutes.”

I sat there breathing calmly. I felt the storm in my mind dissipate one worry at a time. John was safe and his attacker was taken care of. We weren't going to go on more cases, not for a long while and we were safe. John was safe and we were together. John was safe and he was watching me. John was safe and John was safe. Time drifted for me as we sat in silence and I floated on an ocean of calm.

It was almost a shock when John stroked my cheek and helped me to my feet. He tugged at the sash and it fell away. I looked down at him and felt all the love he had for me wash over my entire being. Oh John. Marvelous, wonderful, irreplaceable John! He reached out with his good hand and tugged another tie loose behind my back. The entire complex system of knots dissolved into a pool of rope at my feet. 

“Stretch.” I lifted my unbound arms over my head and breathed deeply as I extended myself. My ribs flared as I took a deep breath. I arched all the way back and rested my hands on the floor, showing off. I kicked my feet up and neatly flipped over to stand firm again. John was grinning and Tess looked impressed. “Nicely done love.”

I smirked at John. I felt so much better. I felt calm and still inside. John was alright and he was right in front of me smiling. How could life be any better? I flowed forward and kissed my wonderful doctor gently. I hung his tags back around his neck. “I love you John. I feel better.”

“That's good darling. Why don't you go get into your pajamas and robe now. We'll watch a movie and order in, how does that sound.” I hesitated for a second. “Want me to come with you darling?” I nodded so he let me help him up and we went to change together.

“I love you John. Today was terrible. Thank you for still being here.” I kissed his cheek again, just filled with love for him. I nuzzled against his head and kissed his hair over and over again.

“Thank you for saving me Sherlock and you did save me. It was a trap. It would have caught one of us for sure. I'm glad you're as quick as you are. Thank you for doing what you did. It was beautiful.” John admired me openly now. He lifted my hands and kissed my fingers tenderly. “Such precision. Such lethality. Tess could never understand just how beautiful it was. I adore you my wonderful madman. You are an artist.”

Oh John! I preened under his praise and blushed lightly. How he loved me. I felt joy again because I had made John smile. I wrapped my arms around him and held him carefully to me. I kissed the top of his head and soaked him in. He let me hold him for a minute before we went back to getting dressed.

We rejoined Tess who was reading her way through the menus she had located. She pointed to her selections and John just called them in. I didn't care what we had. I wasn't interested in eating. My hunger was only for John but he wanted dinner so I would have some. Anything for John.

Tess excused herself and went to get changed. She came back down in another adorable pajama set, this one a short green dress with matching pants. She slouched back into John's chair and put her feet up. “Tea?” I offered.

“Only of John makes it. Your tea is awful.” she stated and John just laughed before getting up. I went with him. I could at least put the kettle on. He could man the rest of the process but I wasn't going to let him lift anything heavier than a spoon until his stitches were out. He let me keep doting on him, rolling his eyes only once or twice while I fussed over every move he made.

We had just finished our drinks by the time our meals arrived. Tess had selected two different pizzas and John had added one of his own. Tess picked a movie, choosing of all things an old black and white series we'd never gotten around to watching. It had been a gift from Lestrade years ago and had sat untouched all that time. “You will love these!” promised Tess. I shrugged and slid to the floor so I could lean on John's legs while I ate.

The movies turned out to be a rather humorous detective series. John kept exclaiming over the vast amount of alcohol indulged in while I couldn't get past the odd American dialogue. Tess snorted and laughed all the way through it. “The wife is like you Tess. She's spunky.” commented John somewhere in the middle. Tess laughed again.

“The husband is a cross between you and Sherlock. It's amazing really.” Well the man was very attractive like John was and I suppose his long lean body was similar to mine. That he was a detective was diverting but the crimes themselves were very simple. My critique of everything that unfolded had John and Tess giggling. I didn't understand most of the interactions but time went by pleasantly and I didn't object to continuing through one movie after another until it was late.

John stroked my hair and undid my collar. Pocketing it he patted my shoulder. “Time for bed Sherlock. Tess?” we looked at her. She looked back at us.

“I'll sleep upstairs tonight. You two need time. We'll talk more in the morning. Come along. One kiss each.” I smiled and went right over to her. Kneeling in front of her I parted her knees and kissed her long and sweetly. Her eyes sparkled when I finally pulled away. “Goodnight Sherlock.”

I helped her stand and then got John on his feet. He pulled Tess close with his uninjured arm and kissed her briefly but firmly. “Night Tess.” he winked at her and she chuckled before taking herself away. John took my hand and led me back to our room.

“You need to sleep darling. Let's cuddle up tight alright? Head on my chest, it will keep my stitches nice and warm.” Oh John! I crawled in first and helped him lay back though he really didn't need any assistance. He let me lay my head carefully onto his chest just below his stab wound and I listened to the thrum of his heartbeat. “Close your eyes darling. Let yourself go.”

I closed my eyes and felt his hand begin to slowly card through my nebulous curls. I listened to his heart beating strong and steady. I breathed in the addictive familiar smell of John and felt my body grow limp and relaxed. I lost myself in each breath he took, the air moving in and out of his lungs a magical harmony that danced with his heartbeat. I let the pace of it sooth me as I drifted away.


	2. Little Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unconditional love reigns at 221B Baker Street!

Early the next morning I felt John's hands begin to move over me again. This time though he was feeling his way over my hands, up my arms, over my shoulder until he was gently touching my neck. He stroked his fingertips over my cheeks and then my eyes before following my nose all the way down until he reached my lips. At his touch they parted and I took his finger in my mouth and sucked softly.

“I want to make love.” I whispered. John nodded. I delicately peeled us out of our night clothes before I shifted myself carefully and kissed his mouth lovingly. I began to kiss my way slowly over his face, loving each and every part of him I could taste. By the time I made it back to his chest he was moaning softly. I let my tongue lick over his nipples, suckling gently until they stiffened. I bit them gently before soothing them with a lick. I made my way down his stomach, dipping my tongue into his navel.

John sighed deeply when I sucked on the skin where his hip became his leg and I groaned as the unmistakable flavor of John drove me wild. He tried to reach for me but I pressed him back onto his pillow. “Let me John. Please.” I resumed kissing his sweet flesh, delighting in all the different textures that made him up. I mapped his body with my mouth before making my way toward his now hard self.

“I love you.” I moaned as I took him into my mouth. Oh how I loved to do this. My eyes shut on their own as I tasted his most intimate flavor. I reveled in his girth, adored how full I felt, felt pride in how deep I could take him. I used my tongue to tease and arouse him until his moans were continuous and his hips began to thrust on their own.

I let him slip from my mouth with a messy pop. Crawling slowly up I straddled his erection and lined myself up. With no further preparation or lubrication I pushed myself down onto to him. My body bucked and shuddered as the pain and pleasure of it burned through my lower body. Our groans were both deep and ragged as I forcibly united us. “So good my love. So good!” gasped John.

I nodded. The pain was exquisite. The burn was almost a tear and I moved slowly at first to draw the agony of it out. I shuddered again and allowed my hands to trail over my belly and chest as I rose and fell. I rode John slowly, sensuously. I rolled my hips and twisted my body so I was almost dancing above him. I felt John's hands roam over my very exposed body and I shivered all over. Oh my glorious John. His touch was like fire! With John I was free, at liberty to react as I would. I allowed my body to twist and grind, to moan and sigh, allowed myself to give John everything he wanted, to give him all of me. John! John! John! John! John! John!

When I came back to myself John had pulled me back up into his arms, still buried deep inside me, hard and throbbing. John seemed to ignore all of that. He was looking at my face, running his hands over my chest, my stomach. His voice was filled with reverent awe, “My beautiful man. My gorgeous madman. I wish you could see how you look my Sherlock. You're entirely undone. Look at the blush in your cheeks. Your eyes! Like a wildcat, untamed. How perfect you are. How entirely captivating you are. Sherlock!” John began to kiss his way everywhere, somehow laying me back so our feet were on the pillows and John was on top.

His hips rolled and we both groaned as John began to thrust slowly. He kept it tender, loving. My body was unable to resist and I could feel myself harden anew. I loved the burn and stretch of it, loved how the ache of his reentry was mixed with the heavenly sweetness of pleasure. I ran my fingers over his back, taking in his warmth, the smooth rough satin. I was endlessly fascinated with John. I admired him as we made love. I adored the colors in his hair, the blond and red warring for dominance. The silvery gray at his temples and scattered here and there all over. He was so beautiful in my eyes.

Even as his hips moved John pressed his mouth to my jaw, kissing his way over it. The raspy graze of our unshaved faces made me sigh. Each delicate touch made me shiver with small delicious shocks. When he traced his tongue over the shell of my ear I moaned deeply and felt myself melt right into the pillows. “There's always more with you isn't there Sherlock. Every time is new. I learn something more about you every minute and it never ends. I love you.”

He pulled back until he was nearly sitting on his feet. He tugged at my hips until I was on his lap and then began to roll his hips again. I couldn't think anymore. All I could do was focus on the brilliant pulsing throbs of pleasure I felt each time he bottomed out. He kept it so slow but so powerful. He let his hands wander up and down my legs, his deft fingers toying with the tracery of scars on my skin. “I like how smooth your legs are darling. I like how pale your skin is. I love every one of your scars. Everything about you is the most beautiful one I've ever seen.”

I pulled him down for a passionate kiss and stroked his brow tenderly. “You are the one with the beautiful scars. All of them are rich with meaning. I can taste the different story in each of them.” my wonderful soldier, most brave warrior. He smiled down at me and stroked my brow in return. Kissing me tenderly his hips began to slide and thrust with purpose.

John pushed my legs wide open and held them there so I was completely exposed and at his mercy. Both of us were panting harshly now, our grunts and moans deep and ragged. I fixated on the hot push and pull of John inside me. The heavy weight of him was soothing, the pleasure I experienced was healing and filled with such love. Suddenly John stiffened and exhaled roughly while his hips bucked and jerked. He moaned my name out and the vibrations from his voice merged with mine. I felt that damp rush deep inside me and it was enough to send me over the edge into a rage of bliss that left me dazed once again.

When I came to myself I was still shaking slightly, small tremors wracking my body from head to toe. I could hear myself as I gasped for breath, felt John's sweet hands stroke over my throat, my chest, my hips. I thrummed with pleasure once more, a galaxy of thoughts whirling and dancing away as all I knew rearranged itself in a new grand pattern. It wasn't complete, it wasn't the mind palace. The mind palace was no longer working. It was insufficient. This new construct was something more, something greater than a simple building. I was so close.

“Oh John!” I sighed and sank back onto the bed, once again fully aware of my transport. I reached over to where he lay hot and panting to take his hand in mine. It fit perfectly and I twined our fingers together. I was so content, so satisfied. John had a lazy smile on and he lay there dripping sweat and breathing heavy.

“Ow.” said John mildly. I sat up and looked at his stitches. There was a pink dot on the upper edge. “Think we may have pulled one or two.”

I chastised myself for not taking better care of my beloved. I chivvied John out of bed and made him sit on the toilet while I peeled back the plaster that covered his small wound. I inspected it very carefully but apart from a single droplet of blood the stitches were intact if somewhat strained. John coached me through cleaning the area thoroughly before pressing a waterproof bandage over it to seal it clean and dry. “I'll need to shower anyway. You can stop giving me that look darling. I swear I won't lift a finger for the rest of the day.”

Well at least I didn't need to chide him about that. I was unaccustomed to caring for someone but this was John and he needed me. I got the shower going and refused to let him so much as wash his own hands. I cleaned him everywhere and shaved his face as well. I wanted him to heal completely with no complications. I wasn't going to be able to risk even the slightest hurt as far as John was concerned. I was too shaken by what had happened.

“Wash yourself too darling. Shave as well.” I was under the spray and shampooing my hair before I realized I had once again simply done as I was told. I felt strange for a fleeting moment then mentally shrugged. I might have gotten out of the shower as soon as John was done but I would have felt uncomfortable as the day went by for being rinsed off but not clean. It didn't take long and both of us were happier for it so why fight?

“Thank you John.” I said when I was done. He ran his hand over me, assessing my entire body. After he nodded I shut the water off and made John stand still so I could towel him dry. He chuckled and used his good arm to rub a towel over my hair. I winked up at him and we grinned at one another. I felt bubbly and happy again.

We heard Tess moving around finally so we cleaned up after ourselves and went to our room to change. We deliberately left our door open and winked at her as she went into the bathroom. She chuckled and rolled her eyes but otherwise ignored us to tend to her own needs. “I don't want to go anywhere this morning John.” I asked and he nodded.

“That's more than fine love. Pajamas and robes it is then.” I smiled, well pleased. We climbed into our most comfortable sets and padded to the kitchen. “Pancakes?” I nodded enthusiastically. John walked me through the recipe and we giggled our way through the less than perfect first batch. I'd gotten the hang of pouring the batter and flipping the cakes by the third batch. The bin was half full of rejects by the time Tess joined us. She shook her head and just crowded in to make bacon.

“Alright boys. Today John and I need to talk so after breakfast why don't we have a nice sit down with a cup of tea?” I shrugged. As long as we didn't leave the flat I didn't care what we did. I had some ideas about lunch though. I hadn't forgotten my goal about John's tummy. I fawned over John all through the meal. I fed him carefully and even held his tea cup for him. I cleaned up as well, allowing John and Tess to simply sit themselves down to begin a long and apparently detailed conversation about me.

I wanted to look up information about my meal plan so I dragged the coffee table closer and set up John's laptop to begin perusing some of the articles I had saved. I had thought to maybe pay attention to what was probably a very important conversation but I couldn't manage to direct my interest that way. I tried to pay attention but it was difficult. I shivered away from it and decided it was John's business. Besides, I was too involved in my own research.

I felt John's hand settle on my shoulder after a while. It was warm and comforting. He wasn't stopping me so I continued reading and making copious notes in my database. I heard their conversation go back and forth but contributed nothing to it. With some concentration I tuned out all their words while still enjoying the sound of John's voice. At one point though John did interrupt me. “Darling. Go bring the bag back here and then you can go back to your research.”

I got right up and dragged the heavy bag back and set it up on the coffee table again. I kept a bit of space at the end for myself. When I was finished John just dropped a cushion to the floor so I sat right back down and continued with my reading. They were taking out one item after another and discussing them seriously. I really should pay attention but for some reason I chose not to. John was dealing with it. That's all that mattered.

I enjoyed the timber and cadence of John's voice. I still wasn't paying attention to his conversation but at the same time I took in every single part of his speech. He was intelligent, his questions and answers always carefully thought out but not hesitant. He was attentive. More than once he clarified details before Tess went too far afield. I realized she was instructing him, explaining all the props we now owned, how to use them and when.

John's fingers wrapped around my throat for a moment before sliding up and through my hair. I nearly purred with pleasure as they caressed me. I leaned into him for a moment before just collapsing against his legs to enjoy his touch. I sighed happily and Tess laughed lightly. I nuzzled my face against John's knee. I felt peaceful, almost centered. My mind whirled in an unfamiliar way but I didn't find it distressing. Something was changing. Something integral and I had no interest in stopping it. It was clearly necessary so I allowed it to progress. Until then I was content to simply be.

“He's like a pet now. He's completely surrendered to just feeling hasn't he. It will take a while for him to adjust to his new condition. You know him better than anyone John, you'll be able to tell when he's gone too far in one direction or the other. Bring him back.” John took my face and made me turn to him. 

He smiled down at me and I grinned back at him. He stroked my cheek. “Focus.” I blinked one time and became aware of everything once again. Everything. All at once all my senses were fully engaged and I gasped. My head went back and my whole body tensed. I could hear all the sounds of the flat, the creaking and settling of brick and boards, the hum of our fridge, the distant running water sounds of the bathroom. I could smell everything too. The chemical cleaners under the sink, the shampoo in Tess' hair, the sweat on John's back where he had sat for too long against the couch. It was too much. The room seemed to be an explosion of color and texture. My eyes jumped from one place to another taking one image after another in rapid succession. I could hear the traffic outside, felt the rumble of the building as vehicles drove by. I could feel the change in the air pressure as the weather change. I could smell the damp and knew it was going to rain soon. Even the burr from the laptop fan seemed to scream at me and I groaned.

“Shh darling. I'm here and it's okay. Shh my love. Come here darling, it's alright. I'm right here. Come up. It's okay, it's all okay.” I swarmed up John's legs and folded myself into his lap, hiding my face in his neck. I had to curl up tight to fit but I managed somehow, collapsing all the long parts of myself as much as I was able so as much of me as possible was touching John. I soaked in the smell and feel of him and felt steadied.

“Too much John. The world is too much.” I moaned into his hair and he nodded. “I can't. I can't anymore. I can't anymore and I'm sorry John. I'm so sorry. I'm broken.”

“It's my fault darling! I should have brought you back slowly, not tell you to focus right off the bat. I'm sorry Sherlock! We'll start small then love, how's that. We'll begin very small and work our way back up to big, yeah?” I nodded and loved him for his understanding and patience. There were large parts of me that were fine but all of them were separated by the madness. I could feel the war inside me rage. I was falling to pieces again and nothing had happened! There was no real trigger. I was just a wreck. I breathed John in and felt him set to work fixing me back up again. John raced through my lungs and entered my bloodstream. Slowly I felt warmer and calmer.

John was stroking my back and arms. His hand slid soothingly over me so I concentrated on that. He was so warm. I felt myself relax one tiny bit at a time until I slowly melted into him. He crooned softly into my ear and I simply lay there and breathed. My thoughts slowed and became coherent once again. “John?”

“You're alright now love. You have nothing to worry about. I've taken care of everything.” I believed him. I felt better now, that was for certain. John had smoothed my thoughts easily and I felt limp and at ease. “We're going to get up now darling and we're going to go to the shops. It will be easy. You've made a list I see. We'll get everything on it. Up we go.”

I unfolded from John's lap and finally saw Tess who had been watching me. Her face was filled with sorrow and concern. I blinked at her and she patted my knee cautiously, “It will alright Sherlock. I'll come with you both. It will be fun.” Okay. We would have fun. I blinked again and smiled softly.

We stood and went to dress quickly. John and I helped one another into our coats and left the flat together. It wasn't a long walk to the shop but I still felt exposed and jittery. John took my arm and slung it over his shoulder so he could slip his arm about my waist. I felt a million times better then now that I was holding my lover. I kissed the top of his head with a small laugh. John smiled up at me and I beamed back down at him. “Thank you John.” Once more a thousand meanings and once more he knew them all.

“Always my Sherlock, always.” How had I existed before John? The blue of his eyes delighted me as they always did and the warmth of his love filled every bit of me. I felt happy. Once we were in the store I grew jittery again as the brazen lights and almost too chaotic colors overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes and let John squeeze my hand for a moment. Opening them I smiled back down at him and let him lead me up one aisle after another while Tess pushed a small cart.

The store was logically laid out so I paid attention to what went where and all the permutations of placement. I learned a lot about how certain things were marketed to increase their limited value and avoided most of the marketing traps that had been set in order to acquire only the items best suited to my purpose. I began to explain my approach, “John responds best to meals that are served in five parts. This is due to his extensive time in the army where meals were served on trays with five separate food areas.” I rambled on about different combinations of starches versus proteins and which foods John responded favorably too. I was aware that both of them were smiling tolerantly up at me as I darted back and forth to select a can of something here or a packet of something else there until our cart was filled.

“You've seriously worked this whole plan out right down to the last calorie.” said Tess dryly as we went through the checkout. John produced a pocketful of small fabric bags and we loaded up our purchases. I looked at her with a bit of surprise.

“Of course. I can't take risks with John. I have to know the consequences of my choices with his diet. He wants to remain healthy so in order for me to attain my goal I need to be extra careful with the process. I won't hurt John. Not for anything.” I stopped bagging and leaned over to kiss John's cheek. “I need John. I can't live without him.”

Tess looked sentimental again, especially when I refused to let John carry anything. I gave Tess two of the bags but took the rest myself. John's arm was hurt and I wasn't going to risk a single thing with him. I went on with my food lecture, “John will be able to enjoy all five courses, none of which will be particularly large but each will be balanced with the others to provide the maximum amount of calories whilst also providing John with all his daily nutritional requirements. I've taken into consideration days where we are more active than others as well as different entertainments we will be enjoying that will impact what we eat every day. John has explained the concept of date night to me and I find it to be a welcome addition to our social endeavors.” 

“Well that sounds like a very well thought out plan of attack Sherlock. I can teach you how to make some of those dishes you mention.” Oh Tess. She was a delight!

“I would be very pleased if you would Tess. I recall many interesting items from your family cookbook but I must admit to some ignorance as to how to perform the technical parts of the recipe.” I looked over John's head at her when laughter pealed out.

“You mean you don't know how to roll a pie crust or braise a bit of meat but you can tell me how long it takes for head of lettuce to go off and exactly which point a moldy chunk of cheese becomes toxic.” I nodded and she laughed again. John bit back a giggle as well and I frowned when I realized they were laughing at me. My lip quivered again and I bit it to make it stop. John stopped walking immediately.

“Oh darling, shh. I wasn't laughing at you I promise. It just sounded funny is all. You are very talented at many things but Tess is right. You don't know how to do those things but once you learn you'll be brilliant at it, like always. I know it.” he tugged my lip from my teeth and bit it softly himself before soothing me with a tender kiss. “You've already impressed me so much darling. A month ago you knew nothing at all about food or cooking.”

“I'm learning it all for you John. I need to be able to do something useful. I feel like I'm letting you down. I'm not the man you used to know. I worry.” I hadn't really thought about it but the words tumbled out of my mouth with no conscious control from me. John squeezed me tight and pulled me down for another kiss before we continued on our way home.

“You're worried that I'm settling for less somehow. You're worried because you can't do The Work that somehow that means I will lose interest in you. Yesterday was fun for a bit but it wasn't worth what happened after. I can't risk you anymore than you can risk me. I love you Sherlock. You've given up every single part of yourself, every single thing that you've worked for your entire life and you did it all without a second thought just to save me. I'd rather we did nothing of note ever again than risk you even one time. I can't live without you. You know I can't.” Oh John! I felt bright and happy as he spoke and stayed as close to him as I could while we walked. He finally settled for putting his arm through mine since I still would not relinquish a single bag.

We made it home and unpacked. I teased Tess with a bump on her hip and she bumped me back amidst giggles and little shy looks. “We have so much catching up to do John. Our lives are only just beginning. We have so many people to thank, my Brother especially. Where would we have been without Mycroft and Greg? We need to give them something or so something to show our appreciation.”

“What kind of gift can we possibly get your brother that he doesn't already have the finest of?” asked John rhetorically. Well that was actually a very good question. John helped direct me as I put away all the food I'd purchased. I examined the cupboards and made a note to come up with an index that would suffice to keep us well provisioned for all contingencies. I had a meal plan that was flexible but would require various staples to be on hand. Right now our cupboards were mostly for storing tea and our few dishes. A system was necessary.

“Mysnob likes fancy events. Make him do one up for you. It will be a two part gift again, my favorite. He'll get the thrill of organizing it and then he'll get to go to it. Win Win.” Oh. That was a marvelous idea.

“Well done Tess. I will do that. John what kind of event do you suppose they would like. We've been married. We can't do that every month.” John laughed but sat at the table to wait for the tea kettle and thought about it.

“Masquerade? One of those formal things where everyone wears creepy masks and makes out in the cloak room.” Oh! That was actually interesting. John always had the most marvelous ideas!

“We can invite the cousins. They can have all the tea they want and we won't have to go on all those tedious visits. Oh John, what a marvelous idea. Maybe by then you'll have caught up a bit and I can show you off all over again.” I ran my hand over his still flat belly and kissed the top of his head. Every single day I could feel an improvement. I relished it.

“Whatever you want darling. Anything at all. Maybe this one we can actually enjoy some dancing. This is actually a great idea. We could make a theme or something for the costumes! What you think Sherlock? Historical figures? Monsters? Cartoons?” I was intrigued with the entire concept. Of course I knew about masquerade balls where the women seemed to be required to wear ungainly dresses and bizarre masks while the men got off easy wearing suits. Still this was a gift for Mycroft not me.

“I think I'll offer to fund the event and let Mycroft design it to suit himself. He will enjoy that.” John nodded at my suggestion. There. It wasn't much but if Mycroft had a good time then it would be worth whatever the cost. I didn't care about money and John just shrugged.

“I am not going to a masquerade ball!” said Tess immediately. “It sounds hideous. I can't imagine a worse way to spend a night. I'll be wanting to head back home eventually anyway.”

“Tess! What?” I was confused and hurt. She wanted to leave? She and John were just getting started, I was sure of that. Tess just shot me an exasperated look.

“I'm not falling off the face of the earth. I'm going to go home soon though. You know where to find me after that. You can come see me. Pull yourself together man!” She was rough. I looked at her and felt heartbroken. “Oh Sherlock. It's not because I don't want to be here. I do. I want to spend time with you and John together, it's wonderful. To be perfectly honest though both of you need time together and I'm a distraction. I've spoken with John. We'll continue to speak and maybe even try out a thing or two before I go but go I must. Think rationally Sherlock. I know you understand.”

I did though I refused to admit it. Tess was a proud and independent woman. John and I were barely hanging in there as functional people and throwing her presence in the mix was making us dangerously unbalanced. We couldn't really be with her in any meaningful way. I knew she cared for us but she was a practical woman. Her decision had been made already and because it was the right thing to do she was going to do it no matter how many tears either of us shed. I adored her with even greater fierceness. She was upholding her end of the bargain and teaching us what we needed to know to proceed on our own. Well, she was teaching John but since that amounted to the same thing she was still keeping her word.

“I'll miss you Tess. I like having you around.” I said softly instead. She smiled sadly at me and my heart ached anew. I wished there was some way to change things so that we could make Tess happy but already we had failed. She was sad and it was our fault. I bled inside. I didn't know what to do.

Tess leaned over and took my hand gently in hers before speaking softly, “Sherlock, this time with you and John has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. Just because we're moving onward doesn't mean our friendship has to end. I'll have my life and you will have yours but there's nothing stopping us from as close as we decide to be. Maybe one day we'll be over entirely but I think we all know that time is not now. Besides, if you think John has learned more than the most basic of basics then you're kidding yourself. I'll be mentoring you for some time to come.”

I was very relieved and sank back to lean on John gratefully. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “There darling, see? Not so bad. We can work with that, yeah?” John's voice was soft and soothing. I nodded and tilted my head so he could kiss my cheek. I felt so much better and my heart beat strong and sure.

“You sure you don't want to come to a ball? A real one?” I tried to entice her. It would be lovely to have her there. I imagined what it would be like to dance with her. Tess snorted.

“Entirely sure. I'm not much of a dancer. I can't bear the idea of those ridiculous dresses. Forget trying to make me wear a mask. Exactly who would be my date anyway? Not you two. Besides, it sounds like the kind of thing where there's lots of people who'd want to talk to me and shake hands and who knows what else. Simply awful. No thanks. Seriously. No.” Well John was right again. Tess certainly knew how to say no to something and make us believe it.

“What about visits then Tess. Maybe we can come by the village on a semi-regular basis for lessons or something. It would be very simple to arrange.” John stroked my cheek as he made his suggestion. Tess looked interested.

“Now that sounds like a compromise. Fine. Visits it is. London smells and I'd rather be having romantic evenings surrounded by fields of flowers rather than the stench of several million people sweating and exhaling together in the same few miles.” I could see why she was a writer. She really did have a way with words. Insults to my beloved city aside I was pleased that she'd accepted John's suggestion. Our cottage would always be there and Tess lived only a few minutes away from it. We'd be in private and she could stay or leave as she chose whenever we were there. It was rather ideal.

“Can we at least escort you around the city to see the sights before you dash away? Mycroft and Greg won't even be home for three more days. You could at least stay long enough to meet them. It's not everyone who gets the chance to insult the British Government right to it's face. John punched Mycroft once. It was brilliant!” I beamed at John.

“Almost forgot about popping Mycroft. He was a tit! This was right after I first moved in. I'd already been kidnapped twice, there was that business with that cab driver and then Mycroft tried to bribe me! He came right over the next day and generally implied that he could have the entire Clan Watson terminated if I didn't move out of 221B and leave his brother alone.” John had just walked right up to Mycroft and plowed him right in the face. Mycroft had dropped like a sack of potatoes right in front of me.

“John was amazing. He told Mycroft that his parents were already dead and that he was welcome to deal with Harry if he really felt like it. He refused to speak to Mycroft for nearly two months after that. Brilliant! I see now that I was so in love with John. If I'd only understood what my body had been telling me all this time I would have been all over him in an instant.” John laughed and hugged me to him.

“We'll, we're both idiots. I'm glad we got over that bit.” I leaned into him and felt completely happy once again. I stood. 

“I'm going to make lunch John. I have a plan.” I did. I'd read about different philosophies about eating and decided to go with the same dietary suggestions followed by Sumo wrestlers. It was in their best interest to be as large as possible yet they were also athletes so they needed to stay healthy. John would never eat most of the foods they seemed to prefer so I'd come up with a fairly British version that I then disguised in the five dish format including dessert.

I could hear them chatting behind me but I tuned everything out once more. I concentrated on the manual skills necessary to cook, focused my mind on the overall goals I wanted to meet with regard to flavor and nutrition. I wanted what I wanted but I also wanted John to enjoy the process. I couldn't just force feed him fattening foods that he didn't like! That would be Wrong. Instead I planned to seduce John's palate to the best of my abilities, to woo his tummy back one irresistible bite at a time.

I knew what kinds of foods John liked. I knew which cuisines had interested him and after long consideration I felt I had an appropriate understanding of how John approached food. Like everything else he was fearless. He'd try just about anything. He may never try it again but he'd try everything at least once. John liked complex flavors but in subtle ways. He didn't eat highly spiced food because it didn't agree with him but he did tend to seek out foods that were rich in a variety of flavors and textures.

There was a real science behind the art of cooking. I'd never paid attention before but since I couldn't deal with everything else that usually caught my vast attentions I was easily drawn into the huge array of techniques for cutting, preparing, seasoning and cooking the tremendous variety of foods I had available to me. It was dizzying. How had John cooked for us all that time while chasing after me for The Work and doing his own job as well? He'd kept up his blog too and so many other things. How amazing he was.

I made a note to go online and look up some instructional videos. It was very well and fine for Tess to offer to help me but she was leaving soon and I would rather she spent time talking to John. Mrs Hudson could help me learn to cook if I needed assistance. I assembled everything I had prepared and began to cook.

All my basic skills were tested as I attempted to make something I had enjoyed while I was abroad. I had all four burners on the stove going at the same time, three with pots of water, one with a heavy layer of vegetable oil. In carefully timed sequence I filled each pot with different things, beginning with the pot of oil which hissed and sizzled. As things cooked I drained items off and laid them aside on plates before whisking together a small batch of eggs. I made three thin omelets and laid them open on plates. Filling them quickly I rolled them up and cut them into finger width pieces which I arranged neatly.

One item at a time was quickly produced and I quickly paired, seasoned, and sliced each finished product. In only a short amount of time the stove was emptied of pots and there were three steaming plates of food ready. “Lunch.” I called. I set the kettle on for tea.

John seated Tess before claiming his own seat. I set his plate down in front of him proudly and he gasped. “Sherlock this is lovely. It's like artwork, really!” I had cooked a number of different vegetables and deep fried others along with some chicken. Their placement on the plate utilized their colors and textures to create an image of a small tree bearing fruits. Tess was also impressed.

“I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like this.” She examined everything closely. “It smells delicious too. What is it?”

“In Japan they have something called Bento Boxes. They're actual little boxes to keep their lunches in. I don't have any so I just set everything out on the plate. This is my first time so it's not very elaborate but some of the ones I tried in Japan were very clever.” I had actually really enjoyed all the strange shapes and figures which helped detract from the otherwise unspeakable ingredients they used. The Japanese were a brave, brave people.

“This bit of squash looks like a cat.” remarked Tess. Oh she was perfect! I had never tried carving before so this was a first time experience for me. I was sure I could do better with some time to practice.

“It is a cat. Like I mentioned this is my first time so my carvings aren't very good but I'm sure I'll get better with practice.” The one on my plate wasn't very cat like. It looked like a bit of squash with some unfortunate issues with the edges. John's was perfect and he was admiring it.

“I don't know if I can eat my lunch darling. It's all too good! We should take a picture or something. Get your phone Sherlock. You can keep a log of all your attempts.” Oh what a good idea! I hurried away to dig out the mobile and snapped off several different angles. I'd keep the best one for my food journal that I was now going to maintain. I'd start a whole new database, just for John.

As soon as the pictures were taken John popped a bite into his mouth with the chopsticks I provided. His expression said everything and I glowed with delight. He loved it. Soon we were all eating happily, discussing what I had done and how I'd gone about it. In no time we were finished. “I'm stuffed.” said John. Perfect. That's exactly what I wanted to hear.

“I thought we could go through some of our presents this afternoon darling. We've not touched a single one. They were delivered and have been waiting for us in 221C. Mrs Hudson gave me the key.” Oh. Well that should be very diverting. John handed me the key so I went down and began hauling up armload after armload of elaborately wrapped presents.

“Holy fuck you two. What the hell! Who gets this many presents?” said Tess from behind the mountain that now consumed our coffee table. Even with careful stacking the pile had entirely obscured anyone on the other side. I peeked around to see her.

“Everyone wants to stay on my good side for some reason. These are just the wedding gifts. I've got another stack downstairs of the things we got before we were married.” I left the flat and went down to grab the last of it. I was huffing a bit now. That was a lot of trips up and down the stairs and I refused to let John lift a finger. I made Tess stack things as I brought them up.

Finally I flopped down on the couch and looked at it all. Amazing. There were dozens of things. “Well give me your laptop Sherlock. You and John unwrapped and I'll record who got you what so you can send the thank yous later on.” Oh. Were we supposed to do that?

“Thanks Tess.” said John. I began handing him boxes and carefully monitored how he unwrapped them. If he flinched even once because of his wound I would take over but John never faltered. Everything was brilliant. It took almost three hours to get through it all, and several more trips for me up and down the stairs as I bagged up and discarded the voluminous amount of packaging and paper. Tess kept all the cards aside.

Once all was uncovered we examined our new largess. We had every curio under the sun now. I particularly enjoyed the weapons. The sheer diversity was breathtaking. John really liked all the historical items, rare pieces attributed to various figures he admired. Tess fell silent as she looked over everything assembled. “They really wanted you to continue didn't they.” she finally said sadly.

I looked at the collection. The vast majority was weaponry of all descriptions. Some were poisons or rare volumes on medieval torture techniques. Even innocuous items like pens had secret compartments or hidden lethality. All were clever and enticing, wonderful little puzzles with the promise of death. 

John just reached into the pocket of 221 and pulled out a smooth length of cord. “This is my favorite.” he said. Oh. The garroting cord. “Sherlock is amazing. You have no real idea what he can do, how far he can go. He's doing so well restraining himself Tess. You have no basis for comparison between how he was before and how he is now. Sherlock lives on the edge at all times. You know they say there's a fine line between genius and madness? For Sherlock there's never been a line. Not even back then when he was able to do The Work. He was just insane in a different way. Sherlock has always been impulsive. He does what he wants exactly when he wants to do it and no one has ever been able to slow him down or direct him. Come here darling.”

I stood beside John and he pushed up the sleeve of my robe and pointed to three long scars. “I did that myself. I was showing you how it was impossible to commit suicide using those sorts of cuts.” John nodded and made me open my robe to show Tess another scar on my ribs. “I did that too. I was showing you that the quickest way to stop someone's heart wasn't through the ribs because they get in the way too easily.”

“See Tess? I had to stitch him up countless times. He hates the hospital and I think me being a doctor was half the reason he asked me to move in with him in the first place. This is the sort of thing he used to do to himself all in the name of science. He had little burns and cuts all over him. Lift your pant leg darling. See this pit? He used acid on himself to examine how long it would take living flesh to dissolve. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't come to the kitchen right then for tea and managed to get the neutralizer on him. You can sit now darling.” I sat and took John's hand. Tess was staring hard at me.

“You really are mad.” she said softly and John scoffed and squeezed my fingers.

“He's always been. This is nothing, it's just different than how he was before but essentially he's the exact same person. I've always known who he really is. Now instead of just crime and science, its evolved into the more basic life and death. Sherlock is finally becoming who he should have been allowed to be right from the beginning. He's intuitive, filled with such empathy for the human condition, analytical and pragmatic. He's not broken. He's just young.”

“So you're in charge of raising him?” asked Tess with a raised eyebrow. John frowned at her.

“You said it yourself Tess. Sherlock is a child in some ways and far too old in others. He needs balance and that's what I'll give him. He doesn't need to choose to be old or young. He can just be whoever he needs to be because I'll love him no matter what. He'll never be able to do something to drive me away or to feel like he's not worth something. He's worth everything. I won't stop him from exploring his interests. He'll have what he should have had all this time. He'll have love.” John drew me in for a tender kiss. “I want to care for you Sherlock. I want to stand beside you and watch you take the universe apart. I want you to stretch yourself to your absolute limits and glory in what you can do. You are magnificent.”

I felt such relief. I embraced John tenderly and lay my head on his shoulder. Closing my eyes I rested against him, bent over and humbled by the enormity of his commitment to me. John said I wasn't broken. I would grow strong again and John would be with me no matter what. Nothing was beyond me now.

“Well I'm extra grateful I get on with the both of you. Good thing our breakup went as well as it did. Imagine if I'd made you angry.” she sounded offhand. John and I laughed and she winked at us. Fearless. What a wonderful woman.

“Tess Sherlock would never intentionally harm you. He's got a mouth on him though so be warned. He drops devastating bits of information at positively the worst possible times. It's a talent.” I cringed a bit but didn't argue. I said inappropriate things all the time and never normally cared who it injured. Now though I felt uncomfortable with the idea of shaming Tess or John accidentally.

“Well I can't imagine what he could possibly reveal about me that doesn't reflect badly on him or at least give me a racy reputation. You want to out me in front of the village regarding my profession and my hobbies? Fly at it. I will enjoy it.” Tess spoke firmly and without pause. Oh she was wonderful! I smiled at her and she gave me another little wink. I wiggled happily against John and pressed a kiss to his cheek before sitting back up.

“I can't imagine that I would do such a thing Tess but I will keep it in mind for future reference. I do love to see you blush though.” She laughed with me and everything was wonderful. We went back to the living room and set about finding homes for all our new things. “John we're going to need a weapons case. There's simply not enough space to set these all out.”

“Go find one then darling. I'm sure you already have an idea.” Of course I did. I kissed him again and pulled out the new lap top to search for an antique weapons case I'd seen ages ago. I found several models and chose the one that was of a size to fit into a spare corner we had left over. 221B wasn't the biggest flat in the world but it was perfect for us.

“Why the hell do you have a harpoon?” asked Tess as she examined everything else. John just laughed.

“That's another long story, kind of like the skull. Or the ashtray. Or that whiskey bottle. Or half the things in here. I should really write these things down.” John ran a fond finger over the mentioned items. All of them were pieces of our lives together. I recalled each and every situation that had brought us those things and I felt warm inside.

“You really should John. Your blog is an empty thing I see. You have riches by way of stories. You could make rather a good living putting those together into a book. I do know some reputable publishers. I didn't always write pornography.” John looked interested. I came up to him after I'd placed my order for delivery.

Pressing myself to his back I held him close to me. He set his hand on top of mine which rested above his heart. “You should John. People like your stories. We have so very many. I remember everything perfectly.” I kept every single memory of John in my mind palace. Never once had I deleted anything to do with him. Even when I'd told him I was deleting something he'd taught me I hadn't done so. I'd stored it all away carefully, treasuring everything I shared with John since the moment we'd met.

“That's good Sherlock because I don't. We'll do that then, we'll chip away at it every day.” I nodded and hugged him close to me again. I didn't care what John and I did as long as we did it together. 

“It will be something to do when we begin traveling too John. We'll be making stories and writing them down at the same time.” I rubbed my cheek against his head and heard him hum with contentment.

“Traveling? What traveling?” asked Tess curiously.

“We're getting a list of places the Holmes' own and going to visit all of them. Mycroft will get it to us after he returns.” answered John easily. I'd almost forgotten that plan. Suddenly I was looking forward to it.

“Sounds brilliant. Post pictures on my website will you? I bet the fans would get a kick out of that.” John smiled at Tess and promised to do so. “What a life. Travel and fun or death and mayhem. There really is no downside for you two is there.”

“Not anymore. We're pretty much set on permanent happiness now.” John hugged my arm and urged me to sit on the sofa with him. I put my arm around his shoulder and held him carefully while Tess made herself at home on John's chair. Life was perfect.


	3. Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock have reconciled themselves to their new way of being and have taken some time to grow into themselves. What does life have in store for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a lot of hard thinking before I decided how to finish this story off. Mostly I was reluctant to end it. I love the emotional Sherlock. I'll be sorry when we say farewell.

I was glad to be arriving in London. I was pleasantly tired and worn out. Nudging my husband gently I woke John just before our plane landed. John smiled and stretched while I watched him with a small smile.

I was doing so much better now. Traveling with John had really agreed with me. John was a natural planner, he took care of every single detail of their journey so I merely had to enjoy myself and fuss over John. It was just what I needed. Slowly as the weeks had turned into months John and I had healed. We’d never be the same Sherlock and John that met so long ago at St. Bart’s but the love we had nurtured between us had grown stronger and more encompassing than ever.

We’d planned to travel for a full year but after six months both of us decided we wanted to return to London for a bit and then maybe go visit Tess for a week or so. We’d kept up with her, regularly meeting online for short visits and posting touristy pictures on her website for her fans to comment on. It had been entertaining and Tess said she was writing a book about their travels, her first non-porn related work in years. John and I gave her our blessing to keep any profits she might earn from its sale; as long as we had veto power over the content. She’d raised an eyebrow but agreed.

“Give me a call before you show up. I have a surprise for you and I don’t want you ruining it by showing up without announcing yourself.” Tess was always firm with them and we’d learned to listen. She’d cut us off at the slightest hint of pressure, once going two weeks without speaking to us. It had made me anxious and constantly upset so after that we’d always minded how we treated Tess and loved her for her resolve.

Travel had allowed me to gain a modicum of control over my wild emotional state. I’d never again achieve the icy reserve that used to be at my command but I was also no longer the wreck of a man who had been reduced to a near primal state only half a year ago. I wore my collar often but I seldom needed it anymore to calm down. John’s presence alone was enough to accomplish that. We still stayed as close as possible to one another though. Some things did not need changing.

“We can put the rest of your things on after we land.” promised John gently. I nodded and smiled in anticipation. Flying was the quickest way to return to London but it had required some sacrifices. I rubbed my wrists which felt cold and exposed but they wouldn’t be for long. The plane was already coasting on the runway; soon I’d be perfectly fine.

I entertained myself by admiring John. My husband had gotten handsomer as the months had passed. John was gorgeously plump now, not exactly fat but his charming belly was back which made me extremely happy. John was a bit tanned too from our visits to the more southern parts of Europe. I was as pale as ever but even I wasn’t skeletal anymore. I was fit and healthy, a solid mass of hard lean muscle. Both of us looked good. I now had John on a careful maintenance diet so he wouldn’t get much bigger nor would he lose any of the hard-won poundage that I prized so much.

We were happy to be back in the airport and claiming our luggage. As soon as we could John took me to the public restroom and dug out my bag. I was almost dancing around in anticipation, “Hold on love. Just a minute more,” finally John extracted something and I promptly held out my arms. Buckling them quickly John secured two wide leather cuffs to my wrists, both set with nickel hardware which was why I couldn’t wear them on the plane. As soon as they were snug I relaxed completely. “Better?”

“It’s fantastic John. You know I love them.” I really did. Much like my collar my cuffs gave me a sense of being owned, the knowledge that the outer world wasn’t my responsibility. I especially enjoyed the scars on the hardware from all the times John had chained me to various things. It made me feel safe and protected. John would always look after me.

Half a year ago we had escorted Tess home before leaving on our wandering journey. We had no set itinerary. We simply wandered around as the mood took us, staying in one Holmes house after another as we traveled through Europe. John and I traveled on our stomachs, choosing destinations based on the foods available. Both of us had enjoyed it a lot.

We were in a cab now and soon we’d be home. I couldn’t wait. Mrs. Hudson had been notified and 221 B was waiting for us. When we arrived she rushed out and hugged us both tightly. “Oh you look simply wonderful! John, just look at you! Sherlock must be ever so happy! Well done Sherlock!” I beamed proudly. John was magnificent and sleek.

“Thank you Mrs. Hudson. We’ll come to visit later but right now I need to get him settled.” John gave her a kiss on the cheek as she patted his arm in understanding. Everyone close to us knew of my requirements now, even Mycroft had stopped protesting after he saw the changes in my behavior. I couldn’t stop grinning. I was so happy to be home that I ran up the stairs without John. I came right back down, chagrined and carried the luggage upstairs as penance for my impatience. John said, “We’re home now love, so it’s alright. It’s all fine.”

I felt better as John soothed me. Still, it wasn’t a good habit to get into. What if I ran off without John someplace when we weren’t home and something happened? I would never forgive myself. To make up for my inattentiveness I swept the flat thoroughly, checking for Mycroft’s surveillance and destroying the five devices I discovered. Once everything was secured I carefully unpacked our luggage as John made tea and a small snack from the provisions Mrs. Hudson had laid in for us.

“Now John?” I whined. John nodded and I peeled himself out of my clothes in a flash. I sighed when I was finally naked except for my cuffs and collar. Making myself comfortable I lounged happily on the sofa while John drank his tea. I looked at my husband, “Please John?”

John got up and bolted the door after locking it. When it was as secure as it could get and all the blinds were firmly drawn John got naked with me. This was what I had been waiting for. I patted the sofa and as soon as John sat down I snuggled over and rested my head on John’s small belly. “I love you John.” I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of my beloved John while my face pressed into the soft yet firm flesh of John’s stomach. The sofa was so comfortable and 221 B smelled of home. Everything was just what I needed and I was happy.

“I love you too darling. You look so beautiful Sherlock, absolutely gorgeous. I was thinking of getting you cuffs for your ankles, what do you think of that?” my cock began to get hard. Cuffs on my ankles! Did that mean John planned to escalate how I was bound? I hoped so. I loved it so much.

“I’d like that very much John. Tomorrow?” I was still using the minimum amount of words. Sometimes I managed to break out of the habit but it was becoming the normal way I spoke now. I snuggled tighter to John, “Tonight?”

“Yeah? Right now? Alright love. Come on. Use the bathroom first and drink half a glass of water. I’ll wait for you.” I raced to the bathroom and got myself ready. I came back out a short time later refreshed and newly cleaned. John was lying on the bed but he got up as soon as I arrived. My erection began to grow again as I took in the glorious view of John’s new soft curves. My Dom allowed me to run my hands eagerly over him, allowing me to revel in John’s presence and to ground myself until I was sated. When I finally kissed John’s belly with a fond smile John looked down, “Rope or crop?”

“Crop, please John.” John extracted our favorite leather crop from the case that held all our toys. I arranged himself on the bed, my arms extended toward the headboard. I smiled as John drew out the short chains that were fixed there and relaxed entirely when they clicked onto my cuffs with finality. I wiggled a bit as I thought of the potential ankle cuffs. I wondered if John would bind my ankles together or spread them out. It was a lovely thought and one I kept in my mind as John began.

Each blow was perfect. John always knew exactly how hard I wanted to be beaten, how intense to make it, how long to let it go on. He read my body the way I used to be able to read everything else and after months of practice John had gotten very good at making me happy. It wasn’t about hurting me. It was about erasing the turmoil in my mind, taking away the overwhelming rush of information as my too observant brain took in absolutely everything. I still had no filters except for what John and I had managed to build together since I had returned from the dead.

It didn’t seem to take long before I was tingling all over and my mind had fuzzed out into a pink and deliciously blank haze. I felt my body twist on the bed, the cuffs keeping me from moving away and realized I NEEDED the ankle cuffs, that I wouldn’t be happy until I had them. John noticed. Suddenly the blows stopped and I felt a length of fabric around my right ankle. John tied it to the footboard and then secured the other ankle with a different length of fabric. I got hard instantly and when the blows resumed. I couldn’t draw away at all and it was glorious.

I tugged at his cuffs and I couldn’t move. My legs tried to flail but John had me securely tied to the bed. Each blow rained down hotly onto my skin and the burn was perfect. John worked me over until I was limp and humming. “You’re so fucking beautiful Sherlock.” John’s voice was rough and heavy. I felt the ties at my ankle loosen suddenly and my thighs were pushed wide. Two lubed fingers entered me and slicked the way before John replaced them with his cock.

John held the back of my neck with one small strong hand and the other reached up to wrap around my wrist. John held himself over me and began to fuck me slowly. Regular sex kept me open and easy to penetrate. I shuddered as John’s thickness pulled me wide. My moan was so deep it was almost inaudible as John set his knees on either side of my hips and really began to move. “I love watching my cock disappear into your ass Sherlock. You’re so tight. It feels beautiful.”

I wiggled happily as John appreciated me. The submissive in me loved to pleasure my Dom. We didn’t have a typical D/s relationship. Sex was just another way we provided me with the control I needed. Still. It felt amazing. John’s cock hit all the right places at all the right times. He knew just when to go deep and when to rock shallowly until I was a mewling mess. When John lay forward and rested his weight on my back my mind blanked out as I was filled with absolute bliss. Crooning softly I encouraged John to rest himself entirely onto my body, the weight of my husband providing the soothing comfort I was looking for even as John’s cock made me writhe and buck.

John began to lightly bite at my shoulders and neck, “Who do you belong to?”

“You John, only you!” I moaned. John licked my ear and I shuddered again.

“I own you, don’t I?” I nodded frantically as John bit my jaw softly. “I love that. I love owning you. You’re a good pet, the very best. You make me so happy Sherlock. I think you’re perfect.” I moaned loudly as my John praised me. I was good, very good! I worked hard to make my John happy and John was! I was thrilled.

John was moaning sweetly now, his breaths becoming ragged and harsh. I realized I was already chanting John’s name as my body tightened and that beautiful curl of heat in my lower belly began to unfurl. John’s hand slipped down and took hold of my cock, squeezing lightly. That’s all it took and I was bellowing my release into my pillow as John growled into my neck, emptying himself deep inside my very willing body.

I melted into the bedding, a silly smile on my face as my mind tore free of my body and exploded. The energy of my orgasmic release fed into the construct that had been developing for so long, the evolution of my Mind Palace. It wasn’t rigid and diagrammed. It was intuitive and based purely on feeling. There were no rooms, no hallways or basements in which to keep information. Instead I was connected to a vast complex of sensations that triggered the release of information that I needed to access. Each orgasm brought me a little closer to completing the connections, to providing me the continuous stability I still lacked.

John drew himself slowly off of me, allowing his dear fingers to trail over the crop marks and sweat that covered my back and ass. John kissed my shoulder blades and licked his way gently down my spine before giving a teasing lick to my sensitive anus. I grinned and flinched a bit. John reached up and deftly undid my wrist cuffs. As soon as I was loose I twisted around and pulled John playfully down onto me. “I thought you were going to eat my ass.”

“What have you done to earn that love?” I shivered as John teased me back. I loved how dirty John was, how unafraid he was to do anything at all if it brought pleasure. The filthiness of having his mouth glued to my backside was nearly as intoxicating as the sensation itself. Sometimes John did it right after he’d fucked me and that was so incredibly sinful feeling that John only did it when I had been especially good. I pulled John’s head closer and licked his lips teasingly. John grinned and nipped my jaw again. Both of us laughed softly.

“If I had ankle cuffs, maybe I’d earn it.” I hinted unsubtly. John stroked my cheek and kissed me again, “It’s open late, you know it is. “

John rolled off of me and looked at me thoughtfully. I cuddled up to my brave soldier, resting my curls on John’s shoulder to wait for his answer. “If we promise to visit Mrs. Hudson tomorrow for certain then I’ll take you tonight but you have to go tell her we’re not stopping by. Make it nice. Put on your robe and slippers AND the pajama bottoms. If you shock her it’s off.”

I scrambled out of bed and pulled on my pajama bottoms and the top for good measure. I tugged on my robe and made sure it was neatly knotted before shoving my feet into my slippers. Kissing John quickly I clattered downstairs and knocked politely on Mrs. Hudson’s door. She pulled it open with a smile, “I’m sorry Mrs. Hudson but I’ve asked John to take me out this evening and so if it’s alright we can have a bit of a visit tomorrow. Is it alright?”

Mrs. Hudson smiled fondly at me, “Of course dear. Off you go. Come by for lunch, I’ll make that lovely fry-up John likes so much and a rum cake for you.” I grinned happily and gave her a quick squeeze before dashing back to John.

“She said it was alright and is going to make us lunch tomorrow.” I reported. John rolled off the bed lazily and stood to stretch. I drooled a bit as I admired the curve of John’s belly and the sleekness of his body, “May I dress you John?”

“Washing first! Into the shower, hop hop.” I shed my robe and pajamas quickly and went directly to the shower. I got it going until the shower was steamy and then let John get in first. Kneeling right away I let John wash my hair and shave me neatly. I then stood and did John’s hair for him before standing with my arms extended to be washed all over. He allowed me to finish shaving and washing him as well while I hummed happily. Helping him out I dried John off thoroughly before I was dried in turn by him. He rubbed my head energetically, playing with the thick curls that we now kept longer than ever.

“You have to be a good pet, so what are you going to wear?” I opened the wardrobe and perused my choices. Dressing John took no time but I couldn't decide for myself. Finally I settled on nice tight slacks and a long sleeved tee-shirt that stretched over my hard body snugly. The neck was scooped so it wouldn’t interfere with my collar and the sleeves fit nicely above my wrist-cuffs. I stood and let him inspect me. “Kneel.”

I knelt on the floor and he made me expose my neck to him. With some dismay I let him remove my collar and set it into the drawer where he kept it. John was smiling though and reached back into the drawer. He pulled out a different collar and my eyes flew wide open. There was a shiny metal tag hanging down from this collar and it said “JOHN” in bold clear letters. I wiggled happily on my knees and craned my neck eagerly as he buckled it on and adjusted the tag so it hung between my collar-bones. He let me get up so I rushed to the bedroom to admire it in our mirror.

It was marvelous. The leather was black and supple, the hardware silvery and shining. John’s name was easily read by anyone who cared to look and I was bursting with pride and happiness that my beloved John had finally tagged me. I’d wanted it for so long, almost from the beginning of our new relationship. I laughed out loud and danced around in glee before throwing my arms around John and kissing him robustly. “So you like it then?” he teased.

“John you know I do. It’s so perfect! When did you get it?” John stroked my back and cheeks as he admired the collar.

“I ordered it while we were traveling, remember that shop in Germany? I got it there and had them ship it here. Come along pet, if you want to go we have to go now.” I took John’s hand and let him lead me away. Pulling on our coats we left Baker Street and took a taxi to a small and discrete shop called All Tied Up.

The shop was well appointed. We went right up to the counter where an attendant stepped forward helpfully. I was a bit jittery standing behind John and felt awkward. The dynamic felt strange now that we were in public. John turned and looked at me. Caressing my cheek he snapped his fingers once. I went to the heavy mat waiting conveniently by the exit and lowered myself to my knees, assuming my position to wait for John. I felt better immediately as I straightened my spine, lowered my head and splayed my fingers over my slightly spread thighs. John smiled approvingly and I blushed lightly.

I heard him speaking to the person at the counter. The discussion went on for a long time but eventually John called me forward and bade me sit on a tall stool that was waiting. The attendant knelt gracefully in front of me and with John’s permission stripped off my socks and shoes before rolling my pant leg up. Measuring carefully the attendant took notes before disappearing into the back room. He returned with a wide tray laid out with several pairs of ankle cuffs.

I kept my eyes on the floor though I was dying to look. It wasn’t my place though. It was all up to John. I was excited but I concentrated on being very, very good and held myself perfectly still. John’s discussion continued and finally he pulled out his credit card and made his choice. I bit my lip to keep from dancing around. I was so excited. I heard a metallic chime and then to my surprise John was kneeling at my feet and fitting two small chains around each ankle, each with small charms on them that tinkled if you listened carefully. I teared up. They were beautiful.

“These are to wear when we go out. The others are to wear when we play. Do you understand?” John was firm and I nodded carefully to show I was listening. My cheeks felt warm and I knew I was blushing. I was so incredibly happy. First my name tag and now anklets! Could this day get any better? I had the best husband on the planet. 

We left the shop hand in hand. I carried the small bag with my cuffs in it and grinned like a fool as I felt the anklets shimmer and chime with every step. The ride home was cuddly and sweet. I was so excited and happy. I made a quick dinner for both of us and John allowed me to feed him. John agreed to go for a short stroll after and I thought my heart was going to burst with joy. Mrs. Hudson met us at the door when we returned and she had a worried look on her face, “You left your mobiles behind! Tess has been trying to reach you. She’s in hospital.”

Panic drove us. John and I raced upstairs and grabbed our suitcase which hadn’t even been unpacked. I called a taxi and as soon as we could we rented a car and left London as quickly as we could to get to Tess. She wasn’t answering her phone and I drove steadily until her village finally came into view. Ignoring our cottage and Tess’s home we made our way to the small building that served as the medical center for the far flung community.

John strode right up to the desk, “Sirs John and Sherlock Watson-Holmes. We’re here to see Tess Archer. She called for us.” The nurse flipped through her charts with a bored look. 

“You’re not family but you’re on her approved list. She’s in room four.” The disinterested nurse pointed down a hallway. Giving her a disgusted look John took my hand and led me away. There were only six rooms so finding Tess was easy. She was lying with her back to the door and seemed to be sleeping. 

John called out to her softly, not wanting to scare her. Her head turned as she looked over her shoulder and her voice was weak, “Hey Doctor John, surprise!” John and I walked swiftly to her as she began to roll over. I stopped walking first and then John stopped as well. Tess’s belly was huge, jutting and hard. Tess was pregnant!

“Oh my god Tess, how could you not tell us!” John went right to her as soon as he unfroze. I was stunned and moved a little slower. John bent down and kissed Tess tenderly before retrieving her chart. He was reading it over as I approached.

“Tess. Our darling! Our beautiful darling! You are so gorgeous. Why didn’t you tell us you were pregnant?” She was magnificent. I was breathless and felt the stirrings of desire as her massively expanded belly seemed to call to me.

“Please! How could I? Sherlock needed to get away and if you found out I was knocked up you would have stayed here instead.” Well that was true enough. I opened my mouth to ask the obvious question and she shocked me again with her answer, “I’m pretty sure it’s yours Sherlock. I hadn’t been with anyone but you two for a while. I think it happened when I got mad on our road trip.”

I thought back to that day. Tess had been furious and I had let her take her frustrations out on me. I realized then that she was right. We hadn’t used a condom that first round. The child was mine. I almost started to weep with joy. My beautiful amazing Tess was having my baby! I leaned right down and kissed her hard, my tears dropping onto her cheeks. I couldn’t talk; I just beamed until my face hurt. “I love you so much Tess. This is the best day I’ve ever had. Oh John! John!”

John put Tess’ chart down and took me into his arms to let me cry onto his shoulder. Tess stroked my hand and squeezed my fingers until I was a little more collected. When I looked at John he was grim. “She fell, Sherlock. The fall made her enter premature labor. The doctors stopped it but she’s going to need round the clock care until she delivers.” He turned to Tess. “Do you want to stay here in the village love or do you want to come back to London with us?”

“I want to stay here you dolt! Why would I go to stinky London?” Tess made me laugh even though I felt like my brain was frying from the overload of emotions I was struggling with. There was no question about caring for her. It didn’t matter if the baby was mine or John’s or even some man we’d never met. This was Tess and she needed us. John read the rest of her chart. “I want to go home now John. I hate this fucking place.”

I smiled at Tess and kissed her over and over again as John signed her out. I sneakily caressed her plump behind as I helped her dress and she smacked my hand but not very hard. I nibbled her neck and kissed her warmly. “I can’t wait to get you home our darling. Where would you like to be tonight?”

“My bed is too small for all of us. Your place I guess. Stop by the store though; I’ll need a lot of beverages and things to eat.” A nurse came in and helped Tess dress even though I could have done it. The woman kept giving me pointed looks which just confused me. Tess finally snapped at her, “He’s the father. I think he’s seen me naked already. Are you going to help or are you going to stand there and keep passing judgement on people you don’t even know? You know what? Never mind. Piss off, my men will help me and you can go back to texting your married boyfriend.”

The offended nurse flounced away with flushed cheeks and an angry expression. I giggled a bit and Tess winked at me. I tenderly dressed Tess and kissed her often. John came back with a small bag of medications and an angry look. “That nurse is absolutely useless! You are NOT delivering in this dump.”

“I thought you’d deliver my baby John. That’s what I was going to ask you but I had originally planned to wait till the last second so you couldn’t say no.” Tess sounded tired still. I made her sit in a wheelchair and took her to our car. Loading her small overnight bag up and got her into the car with John’s help. He sat in the back with her and I drove to the all-night grocery store.

John kissed Tess and put his arm around her, “Of course I’ll deliver the baby. If you want we can do a home birth. Sherlock is an excellent assistant.” Tess giggled now and I grinned. “Okay Sherlock. I want you to stay with Tess while I shop. I know what we need. I won’t be more than twenty minutes at the longest. Can you manage?” I grew pale but nodded. “You can tell her about your new things. I’ll hurry so give me a kiss so I can get back faster.”

I kissed my John hard, missing him already. I watched him walk into the store and craned my neck to keep an eye on him until he was out of sight. Tess’s hand patted my shoulder. “Come sit back here with me love and tell me about your new things.”

I changed seats quickly and Tess let me rest my head on her shoulder while I stroked her hard belly. I told her about my new collar and showed her the tag but wouldn’t let her touch it. That was exclusively for John but Tess didn’t reach for it. She knew without me needing to say. I showed her one ankle, making her laugh lightly at how easily I was able to bend my leg up so she could see my anklet. Tess complimented it extensively and I blushed proudly. “We missed you Tess. I’m very happy you’re pregnant. Are you happy our darling?”

“I’m happy now Sherlock but I wasn’t happy in the beginning. I’m sorry I kept it from you and John but we all had our reasons, right? I miss my son and finding out I was pregnant was a lot of a shock. I think I was in denial for a couple of months but this little treasure won’t let momma feel bad for long. It’s been a good pregnancy. If I hadn’t tripped over the edge of the carpet I would have been completely fine until I was due. I thought about it for a long time and I realized I’m glad I’m having your baby. I wish I could have John’s too but at my age being pregnant with a single kid is more than enough.”

“You aren’t old Tess!” I protested. She wasn’t! She was beautiful and vibrant and laughing at me.

“Maybe not old old Sherlock but when my doctor found out I was expecting I was categorized as a geriatric pregnancy. Imagine how THAT feels.” I was outraged and loathed that small hospital savagely. How DARE they imply that our Tess was anything but completely splendid? I stroked her belly soothingly and kissed her cheek with loving tenderness. “I’m happy you’re here Sherlock. In a way I’m glad I fell. I’ve been missing you both and I think I’d really like it if we could stay together again.”

I almost started to cry again, “Really Tess? You want to be with us? For real? Oh Tess! Please. I would love that. I know John would love that. Look our darling, here he comes.” I got out of the car and opened the boot so John could deposit all the bags he’d carried out. I fussed over him for a second before escorting him back to sit beside Tess. As soon as I got in Tess repeated her request.

There was no talking for a couple of minutes. I glanced in the mirror and grinned. John was kissing Tess ardently, his hand resting on her pregnant belly. His eyes were red and he looked so happy, “Yes Tess, I would absolutely love to stay with you. I know Sherlock wants to. He misses you so very much. Tess, I can’t tell you how incredibly happy you’ve made both of us. We love you.”

We made it back to our cottage and I made John take Tess inside while I brought in the provisions and our luggage. We settled Tess onto the bed for a lie down and went to her cottage to pack up some clothes and toiletries for her. We raced back and found she was already asleep. We stood by the bed and smiled down at her.

John led me to the living room and held me tight. I was teary and happy. “John. I’m going to be a father. A father John! We’re having a baby with Tess.”

“I know Sherlock. It’s incredible. I’m so happy. I can’t wait to meet the little one. I never thought I’d want children but now that one is on the way I find that I’m totally impatient. I mean, a baby by you and Tess? It’s like a miracle.”

“She told me she wished she could have yours too but that they doctors called her geriatric for being so old and pregnant.” John actually snarled in anger.

“That’s IT. She is NEVER going back to that joke of a facility EVER again.” John scowled for a minute and then his face cleared. “It doesn’t matter what they said. We’re going to look after Tess now and we’re going to give her everything she needs to be happy. She’s having your baby. Wait until Mycroft finds out you reproduced!”

“We’ll wait till the morning then Tess can tell him. She enjoys tormenting Mycroft. I hope she calls him Mysnob again. He HATED that so much.” John and I were so happy. We put away the groceries and unpacked. Washing up quickly we slide into bed beside Tess. It was extraordinarily late now. I felt dizzy and tired yet incredibly happy. I wanted to make love to John but Tess was sleeping. He put his hand over my mouth and reached down between my legs. It only took a few minutes before I was sobbing into one hand and coming into the other. Wiggling down I took John’s cock in my mouth and sucked him off quickly. Like me it only took a couple of minutes before John was shoving his cock into my throat and coming quietly. It was easy to fall asleep then and I couldn’t wait till morning.


	4. New Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock rush to Tess and have been given the surprise of their lives. They love their Tess and the gift she's given them. Mycroft and Greg comes to visit and realize they need to become acquainted with the man they once thought they knew.

Tess felt weak for days and she was a terrible patient. She wanted to smoke and John wouldn’t let her. She wanted a drink and he denied her again. She demanded to go home and both of us begged her not to leave. Her back ached so John and I took turns rubbing it carefully, working the knots loose until she regained her good humor and became happy again.

I was in heaven doting on them both; John and Tess in one house? It was sheer bliss! I kissed both of them as often as they would let me and nuzzled Tess’s massive belly nearly as much. I was already head over heels in love with our baby. “Tess you are a miracle! A wonder! A marvel! I love you Tess, beautiful, incredible, baby-making Tess!” I kissed her hard belly once more and smiled as she petted my head.

“You really are a good man Sherlock. I love you. Thanks for coming to help me.” Tess loved me! Oh! I was so happy I couldn’t help the tears that slipped down my cheeks. Life was too wonderful. I stood up and decided to cook both of my loves a gigantic lunch, one we could have in the garden. John smiled so I went to him and knelt. John petted my hair and caressed my cheek, wiping my tears away with his thumb. John straightened my collar for me and let me kiss him, our tongues gliding over one another’s gently before he let me go to the kitchen.

I was anxious for sex too. We hadn’t really made love since we’d gotten here. John had used his hand on me a few times but we’d been more concerned about Tess. Deciding I needed to deal with my anxiety I changed my plans and made a huge baked dinner instead so I could just fill the oven and walk away. Happy with my results I cleaned up everything while dinner cooked, peeled off my clothes and went back to the living room.

I knelt in the middle of the room and just waited. I couldn’t ask for it. They had to want it. I made myself as clear as I could as I assumed my most submissive pose, my eyes on the floor and my fingers spread on my thighs. Tess whistled, “He’s gotten sexier. I didn’t think it was possible.”

I blushed but kept my eyes down. I heard John walk over and saw his feet in front of me, “Ask Tess nicely.” He stepped aside and I got on my hands and slunk over to Tess, keeping my eyes down. Kneeling at her feet I bent my head low and kissed the inside of her knees softly.

“Please Tess. Let me make love to you.” I nudged her legs open with my mouth, licking the tiniest amount to encourage her. She let me draw closer and ran her fingers down my arm. I wanted her so much, wanted to touch that gloriously swollen body, feel her curves and delight in the ecstasy she could bring me and that I could bring her.

“Is that what you want too John?” Tess raised her eyebrow and looked challengingly at my husband. I heard John growl and then he was standing beside me, “Oh my!” Tess actually sounded surprised. John looked predatory and hungry as he let his incredible blue eyes wander over her lushness.

“Tess I want to fuck you so much I can’t even think. Sherlock’s being dying to fuck you. If you’ll let us we’ll take you to bed and see just how many times we can make a pregnant woman come.” John rested his hand on the nape of my neck and I exhaled softly.

Tess tapped my shoulder and I withdrew, standing gracefully. John helped her up and we led her gently to the bedroom. I was already getting hard and I couldn’t stop moaning softly as we undressed her. She was as magnificent as John. Her already generous body was massive and swollen. Her breasts had gotten bigger and firmer. Stretch marks radiated temptingly along her belly and her navel looked almost like it wanted to pop. I almost couldn’t speak and croaked out her name, my tongue thick with lust. “Tess! I need to taste you. Please!”

We lay her back and she spread her legs wide. I sat on my heels for a few minutes and soaked in the glory of her. She was round and warm, tender and solid. I grew thick and hard as I leaned forward and began to kiss my way over her body. She was as yielding as I remembered, my lips closing around her stiff nipples with a groan as I reacquainted myself with her textures. I slid my hands between her legs and hissed at how wet she already was. I pulled my fingers back slowly and licked the slickness off of them, my eyes closed as I savored her sweetness.

I had to. I simply had to. Lying in front of her I buried my face between her legs and gave myself over to tasting her with all the skill I could muster. John was kissing her, stroking her massive belly, pinching and twisting her nipples until we had her writhing and shaking beneath us. I worked at her clit with delicacy until Tess gave a hoarse cry. A small flood was my reward and my brain shorted out as my most primal self took over.

I knelt in front of her and pushed in slowly, coating myself with her natural slickness. She was tight and gripped me hard. I was shaking with lust. As soon as I was fully seated I began to undulate carefully, letting my hands begin to wander over her lush body at will. Tess was stroking John’s fat cock with her hand as he played with her breasts and kissed her, sucking on her tongue as if it were my cock. Tess was moaning and shivering as we panted.

Her big huge belly made the pleasured ache in my belly grow swiftly. Tess was so wet, so yielding now. “I’m going to come Tess. I’m going to come in you. I want to taste me in you.” I couldn’t stop. My groan was loud but I couldn’t help that either as my head fell back and I pumped my hips to deliver my seed deep with her already planted body. Moaning and panting I pulled back and lay in front of her again, eagerly lapping up what we’d created together. Delicious.

“You kinky little bastard,” she sighed but kept her legs spread. “Come on John. I’ve missed you too.” John and I switched places. Tess moaned as John sank himself in immediately. He began to fuck her hard, her big belly beginning to bounce a bit. Tess began to make strange sounds and her toes pointed hard away from John and then she was almost screaming as he triggered a massive orgasm. She was so beautiful. I forgot to keep moving and just watched her face as she came for us. “Fuck him for me!”

John pulled away and I knelt quickly, ass high in the air and my face on the mattress. Tess was panting still and cooing lightly as the last remnants of her orgasm chased around her body. John lubricated his cock and making sure Tess could see he thrust himself savagely into me. I shouted and got instantly hard. John was rough and cruel and I nearly came a dozen times before he finally shook all over and stroked me to completion. We collapse beside Tess and all of us grinned at each other. “He likes it very rough.” said John who sounded exhausted.

“Good. Me too. I needed that.” Tess closed her eyes and just breathed for a while. Her face was blotchy and red, sweat beading her skin everywhere so that she glowed. Her hair was a wreck and spread itself wildly all over the pillow, some sticking to her neck. Tess was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen. 

Groaning she rolled to her side and I almost stopped breathing as I saw her incredible scars again. How I had missed those fine beauties. Tess was relaxed now so maybe she wouldn’t mind too much. Cuddling up low on her back I kissed one gently and waited. Tess said nothing so I kissed a different one. She seemed to relax into her pillow so I began to carefully kiss over every scar until I’d made my way over each rumpled bit of flesh with delicacy. My wonderful Tess! My amazing John! Suddenly I was overwhelmed the way I hadn’t been for so long. I pressed against her back and held her tight, tugging at John’s arm so I was sandwiched between them. I felt tears run down my cheeks and my body shook with silent sobs.

They let me cry for a while and then, with great effort, Tess rolled over to face me. She was smiling gently and wiped the tears from my face, “I missed you love. I’m glad my boys are home. I feel better.”

I smiled crookedly at her. I was glad to be home too. I heard the oven beep and realized my dinner was ready. Feeling a strange sense of déjà vu I left my lovers in the bed and went naked to deal with it. They joined me a few minutes later, John once again helping me into my robe. “How is he doing?” Tess asked John as he seated her.

“Sherlock is doing much better Tess. As long as he has his collar on there’s almost never a problem. The cuffs as well and we got him some new ankle cuffs the other day as you can see. They keep him calm and happy so he wears them nearly all the time.

“I like the slave chains. Pretty. You have leather ones too? Good idea.” We hadn’t done anything with my new things yet but it wasn’t for me to decide. It was up to John so I just went about serving breakfast, kissing both of my lovers on the cheek as I set their meals in front of them.

“Our lives have really changed Tess. We haven’t done anything even close to resembling The Work except for the last time you were in London. He can’t anymore. We’re barely at the stage where he can block out the general stuff and just focus on what he needs to see. If we tried to Work I’m worried it might undo all the progress we’ve made. He’s not really the same man anymore. He doesn’t think the same way, doesn’t react the same way, doesn’t even really behave the same way. There are bits of the old Sherlock in there but this Sherlock, well, this Sherlock is a new creature altogether. I love him so much.”

I had been getting anxious as John spoke. I’d never heard him lay out my changes like that before and for a moment I had been getting upset. My poor John! He had fallen in love with someone so long ago and that someone was no longer around but faithful John stayed with me despite that. His final comment reassured me yet again. Of course John loved me. I was silly to doubt it.

“You can look at my tag if you want.” I offered Tess shyly. Tess looked moved and nodded. I shuffled closer to her and craned my neck. Once again she was careful to not touch it but examined the whole collar intently. “It’s very comfortable. I like my other one too but I don’t think I want to take this off ever.”

“You like being a good pet, don’t you Sherlock.” Tess asked softly, once again her eyes were both happy and sad. I nodded and she nodded back, “You are the best pet I’ve ever seen.” I glowed with pride. I knew the old Sherlock would not but that man was so long gone I barely recalled what it was like to be that cold and nearly emotionless person, someone who dealt only in facts. I retained my razor sharp intellect but the world wasn’t the same for me anymore. I felt like I was growing still but wasn’t quite ready to leave the state I was in until I was ready. Both John and Tess seemed to understand my needs and supported me.

I knelt in front of John, “We have to tell Mycroft about Tess and the baby. He’ll find out eventually but if we tell him then he doesn’t have the advantage over us.” John smiled tenderly at me.

“He doesn’t bother us the way he used to Sherlock, you know that. You don’t worry him the way you did back before we were together, he’s fine allowing you your own life. He and Greg are doing well. We can call them later. Would you like to do it?” I thought about that. Should I call my brother? He did need to know, I felt that was true but I still shied away from doing something so aggressive and shook my head a little fearfully. John knew I wasn’t afraid to talk to Mycroft so he just gave me another loving smile. “I’ll do it my darling, don’t worry. We’ll get them to come here alright? He’s family and he deserves to be with us for a bit.”

“Not Harry though.” I spat. I felt very little rancor towards people now. Harry was the only exception. She had made it back to England spitting mad and had gone directly to Baker Street to shout abuse at us. We weren’t there so the viciously drunken Harry had verbally attacked Mrs. Hudson instead. The owner of Speedy’s had come out and called the police. Harry was dragged away and when we heard what had happened we made sure to call Mrs. Hudson to check on her. She was furious with Harry and reassured us that she was fine. To spoil our beloved landlady we sent her and her sister back to the USA for more gambling and stage-shows. She was very happy.

John shook his head adamantly, “Never Harry!” Mycroft and Greg had their people follow Harry. She was drinking more than ever now but no one tried to stop her. Eventually she stopped showing up at her flat. When Greg looked into it he discovered Harry was now with Mummy. Everyone was disgusted at the pair. Mycroft reigned in Mummy’s expense account and made sure no one near her had access to funds of any degree. He also sent a team of movers to the home he’d retired her to and emptied it of everything of value so Mummy couldn’t make money by selling family heirlooms. She had screamed at the movers but they did their jobs and left the house bare. Even her jewels were taken, all of them from the family collection and not her personal possessions. Two hours later a large van showed up and delivered value-brand appliances and furniture to replace the rare pieces that had been removed. Now Mummy had everything she needed but nothing that she wanted except for Harry.

Two days later Mycroft and Greg showed up. I hugged my brother almost bashfully. Once I saw him I realized that I really did care for Mycroft and even though I had been so very terrible to him he had never failed to make me his priority. Mycroft was moved by the gesture and put his hand on my shoulder to smile down at me. “Hello Sherlock. Your tag is very nice.” I beamed at him. I had fostered a concern that Mycroft would take exception to my relationship with John but it seemed that Mycroft understood why I needed to be collared and did not object.

“Brother. We have a surprise for you. Would you follow me?” Politely I kept the door open and my eyes on the floor while Greg passed by me. I murmured a bashful hello to the DI but did not hug him the way I’d hugged my brother. I still shied away from touching too many people. Tess was as much of an exception as I was willing to make but Greg did not press me and just seemed happy to see us both. He shook John’s hand vigorously instead and clapped him roughly on the back.

I led them to the living room where Tess was curled up on her favorite chair. She had a soft blanket on her. John and I stood on either side of our love. John looked at me encouragingly and so I faced my brother and looked at him. Proudly I pulled the blanket from Tess and we helped her up, “Tess and I are having a baby!” I was almost shouting with happiness. I couldn’t help myself and I leaned over to kiss her bump the way I loved to do. My baby was in there and I loved it with all my heart.

“Little brother! Can it be true?” Mycroft didn’t doubt Tess; he was just amazed that it had even happened. He wasn’t unhappy at all. In fact, I was almost sure Mycroft was almost moved to tears! Greg certainly was.

Tess answered, “It’s true. I didn’t tell them until a few days ago. I wasn’t exactly hiding it but I knew John and Sherlock needed some time to recover some more. I don’t know when I would have told them but I fell and ended up in hospital. John was called and they came here immediately. I guess we’re sort of together now.”

“We are definitely together now Tess! Sherlock would never stop being sad if you left. Mycroft, don’t listen to Tess when she sounds doubtful! We aren’t letting her go. We didn’t want to before we found out she was pregnant but she made us. Good luck getting us to leave you a second time Tess.” John was resolute and Tess just grinned at him. He winked at her and I laughed happily. John was so right. I had railed against leaving Tess, begged her to come with us and sulked for days when she said no. She made things right in my head, different than John, I needed John but I loved Tess. She was perfect for us. She was our perfect mate.

I felt the need to explain. “I was with her before we went traveling and I’m afraid I was rather careless. I’m not sorry though, not if this is the result. I’m very happy Mycroft, extremely so.” The visit was pleasant but not very long. I started to get twitchy after a few hours, even with food. Mycroft noticed and John took him aside. They spoke in the garden while I stood next to Tess with my eyes on the floor. 

Greg sounded curious. “What’s with Sherlock?” Tess laughed softly and reached for my hand. Pointing to the floor she indicated a spot so I sank gracefully to my knees. I needed to rest. Tess petted my hair and I kept my eyes on the floor.

“It’s a coping mechanism. Sherlock was extremely psychologically damaged. Being a submissive has given him a sense of structure, of safety. John is his Dom. Sherlock is owned by him. He needs to be owned. Sweetie, show Greg your tag. It’s alright.” Still not looking at Greg I tilted my head and let him see the tag on my collar.

Now Greg sounded upset, “He’s not a fucking dog Tess! He’s a man. A smart and normally rather mouthy one! Why is he collared like an animal? How can you do this to him?” Greg leaned over and flicked the buckle open and my collar came off. When my hands flew to my neck in a panic Greg saw the cuffs at my wrist and swore, reaching for them as well.

Tess shouted for John immediately but I’d already almost fainted in shock. I crumpled to the floor and hid my wrists by tucking them to my belly and curling up. I couldn’t let Greg take my cuffs as well. I worried about my anklets. I couldn’t hide them at all and Greg swore even more when he saw them. Tess whacked Greg hard with the first book that came to hand and kept hitting him until John and Mycroft ran inside.

John was kneeling beside me as soon as he saw me on the floor, “What happened. Sweetie what happened, Sherlock? Look at me, Sherlock!” John snapped his fingers and my eyes locked onto his. I was teary and I pulled my chin up so he could see my bare neck. John cursed and looked for my collar while I trembled. I sat up slowly and he saw it beneath me. Gently he buckled it back on and stroked my cheek. I hid my face in his jumper and refused to look at Greg who was being shouted at by Tess. I was shaking from head to toe.

Tess continued to shout at Greg, “What the devil is wrong with you? I just told you he was damaged not seconds before you took his collar off! What kind of DI are you? Clearly you are the IDIOT that Sherlock used to claim you were! You had NO RIGHT touching that collar! I HAVEN’T EVEN TOUCHED IT AND I’M HAVING HIS BABY!” Tess was magnificently furious again and it soothed me nearly as much as John’s tender embrace.

I was chanting John’s name and clinging to him. Greg sounded shocked and Tess finally stopped booking him. “I….I didn’t realize….Sherlock I’m sorry.” Greg tried to reach out a placating hand and I flinched violently away. Tess hit Greg hard one more time and even Mycroft stood forward to pull his husband back. “Fuck, I was just apologizing!”

“Gregory my dear, Sherlock is for all intents and purposes a completely different person. He looks like the Sherlock you used to know but according to John he is extremely altered. The collar is part of how they have been helping him. Removing it may have seriously set him back. Gregory, you cannot touch Sherlock unless he or John allows it. Not even Tess really handles him, look.” 

Greg had been staring at me but he finally turned to look at Tess. She hadn’t reached for me at all, hadn’t tried to comfort me and that had been good. I had allowed her to caress me when I was fine but right now if she’d tried to touch me I couldn’t know what I would do. I felt myself splinter and I shook even harder than ever. John snapped at Mycroft. “You are going to bring Tess back to her house. She’s out of supplies so one of you is going to the store to get her whatever she needs and you WILL stay with her until tomorrow when we will come collect her. You WILL leave this house immediately. Tess, will you be okay?”

“John I’m completely fine but I can’t promise Greg will make it through the night.” Tess was amazing. She was as fantastic as John. “Sherlock I am going to go now and I am taking these two with me. John is right beside you. He’s got you. You can come get me tomorrow when you’re better alright? Don’t worry about me or the baby.”

I nodded into John’s jumper. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I promise, our darling.” I whispered. She heard my and leaned in to let John kiss her, carefully making sure she didn’t touch me at all. She really was remarkable and I loved her more than ever but I flinched away from the warmth of her. “I’m sorry Tess!”

“Pfft. It takes more than a little shyness to hurt my feelings, love, you know that. Come along Idiot, you too Mycroft.” Tess swept out of the room and took Mycroft and Greg away. I could hear her resume shouting at Greg as they left, her words finally cut off as they got into Mycroft’s car.

I waited until I couldn’t hear the vehicle anymore before I moved. John helped me stand up and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I was shaking harder than ever. “Sit Sherlock, come on, the sofa is right here.” John’s voice was tender and patient. I couldn’t stop trembling.

“I’m sorry John. It happened so fast. I never expected Greg to undo my collar. He was going to take my cuffs John! He said I wasn’t an animal! He thinks you treat me like and animal and I’m not….I’m not!” I was crying hard now. I didn’t want to cry. It was all over, Greg was gone and John was with me. My collar was back on and Greg hadn’t touched my wrists at all. I didn’t know why I was reacting so severely.

“You’re in shock my love, shh. It’s okay to be upset. Someone touched you and you weren’t prepared. No one else has ever touched your collars before so you had to deal with an experience you weren’t expecting. It’s okay to react Sherlock, it’s all fine, it’s really all fine.” I realized I felt violated and betrayed. I also understood that I hadn’t made as much progress as I had originally thought. If anything I was worse in some ways. At least before we traveled I could be around people, deal with casual touches like they didn’t matter. Now my skin crawled and I felt like my collar had been contaminated. I burst into tears all over again.

John led me to the kitchen and made me tea. The simple act calmed me more than anything. I’d watched John make tea hundreds, possibly thousands of times. It was soothing and I would get tea. Slowly my tears dried up. “John? Am I like an animal now? Greg thinks I am.” My hands shook but John just looked at me in shock.

“We are all Sherlock but Greg was entirely wrong. He doesn’t understand who you are right now. We’ve been away for half a year. He doesn’t know the steps you’ve taken or how hard you’ve worked to get so far. Tess will sort him out. I bet she’s giving him a shouting at right now. You know how clever she is about making things clear. Tomorrow will be a whole new day, okay love?” I didn’t like feeling so weepy and fragile. I pressed my fingers to my lips and tried to stop crying but it was difficult to control my emotions once I lost control.

John kissed me. He just pressed his mouth to mine and held it there. Slowly my sobs faded away. I felt warmer and alright enough to kiss him back gently. He let me lead the way, letting me decide when to deepen the kiss. When he felt me become a little more stable he took over once again and began to kiss me with greater heat.

John began to stroke his fingers over my neck, almost purring as he ran a finger over my collar. He leaned in and licked a bit under my jaw near my ear and I shivered with arousal. John sucked little kisses over my skin until he got to my collar and then he sucked the tag into his mouth and growled softly. My cock hardened instantly. Dropping it John took my mouth and this time his kiss consumed me.

I was dazed with desire now. Lust raged through me as John began to get more and more aggressive. He began to drag his fingers over my skin so the nails dug a bit into the skin; just enough to leave trails of pink behind. His voice was thick and husky, “What do you need Sherlock.”

“Tie me. The crop again. Collar too.” John understood. In no time we were back in our bedroom. John stripped himself first and then peeled me out of my clothes. I only moved as he made me so when he was ready he laid me face down on the bed and arranged my arms and legs. I heard the comforting sound of chains being drawn from the corners. I closed my eyes and let John tether me to the bed. I felt a tug at my neck and realized John was removing my desecrated collar and replacing it with my heavy black one. I kept my eyes shut and started when two solid clicks by my ears surprised me.

John had chained my collar on two sides! My eyes flew open and I struggled. I couldn’t move more than a few millimetres. John stood back and let me fight my bonds, waiting until I had tested them. None of them gave and eventually I sank back into the mattress, yielding everything once again.

“There we go love. This will be better. I decide Sherlock, that’s how it goes. I’m deciding that today wasn’t a problem. Today was a shock, that’s all. You are absolutely perfect and we can’t be surprised that Greg isn’t smart enough to understand us. He’s Mycroft’s to deal with. You only have to worry about what I think, not anyone else. What I think is that I’m the luckiest man in the world to be married to someone as special as you. Look at you. You’re gorgeous, unusual, rare, just fucking perfect. You look so beautiful in your chains, do you know that? Greg would never be able to look this good. Mycroft would NEVER look this good. They don’t have it in them to be as strong as you are and you are strong Sherlock.” I was strong. I knew it. I could take what was coming. We’d worked up to it. I loved and craved it.

John began slowly. He knew what I needed more than I did. He worked me over with the crop one careful blow at a time until all I could focus on was the warm hum of my skin. I could hear his words of appreciation as I grew pink. Soft cries escaped my lips and soon my hips were rutting into the mattress. I was so hard now. My mind was fuzzy and all my anxiety was gone. I was safe in bed with my darling John. He was taking care of me the way he knew I needed. I had no worries of any kind. John was taking care of me and Tess was taking care of us. I grew warmer.

“You’re ready already my beauty.” whispered John. He always knew when to stop, when I had finally reached that perfect state of calm arousal. He undid only a single leg, pushing it up so my ass lifted. I felt his fingers swipe lube hastily over me and knew I was about to get seriously fucked.

John was so good at what he did. He thrust his fat cock into me and I shouted as I felt myself being forced open. God this was just what I wanted. John knew how to ride me perfectly, how to go hard and strong until I whited out. Then he rode me steadily, whispering small compliments in my ear, praising how I felt on his cock, how I filled his eyes with beauty, how the scent of my skin made him want to weep for joy and how he wanted to come inside me where no one else had ever ventured. When he said that I gave a helpless cry and began to buck until I was writhing in my own sticky mess and John was shouting his triumph to the world.

I felt so good after. I lay there and just smiled as John unhooked the chains. I hadn’t been able to budge them a bit and for some reason that comforted me. I remembered that I had no choices, I had no worries because of that and anything that troubled me would be dealt with by John. When he undid my collar to replace it I just lay there and let him. I was fine again.

John slapped my ass and I giggled. “Get up you lazy sod. Shower.” I almost bounced off the bed and John chased me into the shower. We played under the spray like children, all laughs and giggles. I didn’t even mind when he removed all my leathers so they wouldn’t get wet. John was right here and I knew I was his. I knew he’d put them right back on as soon as we were done and soon we were.

“You need to have some food and then we are going to bed.” John wasn’t giving me a choice but then he seldom did anymore. I followed him to the kitchen, cheekily pinching his behind as we went. He slapped at my hands and I giggled again and waited for my next opportunity to pinch his bum. Tomorrow would be a brand new day and today was nearly over. I was content with my brave soldier guarding me and would always follow where he led.


	5. The Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tess has moved in with John and Sherlock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ends this journey. It's taken a long time but I feel it's okay to let this family go ahead and live on their own. For those precious few that read this from beginning to end I do thank you. This story meant a lot to me for a lot of reasons.

The weeks passed us by in a state of constant bliss. Mycroft and Greg’s visit was not repeated until a month went by and this time Greg offered an embarrassed apology for not keeping his hands to himself, “I never would have grabbed something off of anyone else Sherlock! I don’t know why I thought it would be okay to take something off of you without asking. I swear it won’t happen again.” I stayed shy around Greg for a long time until I finally felt assured that he would not take my collar off again.

Harry and Mummy were still together but from what we could gather the relationship was as poisonous as it could get. Now everyone was simply waiting to see which woman would die first, Harry from her excessive drinking or Mummy from all the medications she took to forget she was no longer a dame of society. Mycroft and I tried to care about it but a lifetime of training by Mummy made that impossible. John wasn’t interested so I stopped paying attention and that was that.

I began playing my violin. We’d made a special trip to London to fetch it. Mrs. Hudson had screamed and then burst into tears when she saw Tess, hugging our darling so hard I actually feared for Tess. Tess refused to stay in Town for more than a night so even though I wanted to remain in Baker Street we went back to the village to finish the pregnancy. Mrs. Hudson came to see us every two weeks and stayed at Tess’s home while she was with us.

I knew my cuffs troubled him nearly as much but one day Mycroft just pulled Greg aside and had some hard words for his husband. Greg looked mutinous for a minute before that awkwardly embarrassed look crossed his face again and his shoulders slumped in defeat. I could only imagine that my brother what my brother had said to him. Mycroft wasn’t exactly happy with how I had altered over time but even he would have to agree that my new sensitive self bound in leather was a far better option than the drug addicted mess I used to be. John had always been my conscience and now he was my filter and my control. I needed John and I needed the comfort it gave me knowing that John wanted to be in charge. It was good for both of us.

Tess went into labor early. It was just before dawn when she kicked me awake with a groan and punched John in his sore shoulder so he yelped. “Oh my god John! It’s starting. I can feel it. It’s starting.” Tess was frightened and instinctively I cuddled up to her and let her grip at me until the contraction that had awakened her had passed. John got right out of bed, used the bathroom, washed up and got me to help him move Tess to the living room. The bed would have been a better place to birth but the bedroom was far too small.

Tess didn’t care. Labor had started while we’d slept and was now advancing quickly. I didn’t know what to do so John made me sit behind Tess on the well covered sofa so she could lean against me and hold my hands as he coached her through her delivery. John wasn’t worried even if Tess and I were sort of falling apart together. My brave soldier stayed calm and focused as he helped our darling deliver my child. Tess and I groaned and wept together as the hours passed painfully by. I mopped her brow and gave her ice chips, feeling mostly useless but apart from letting me use the bathroom occasionally Tess insisted that I remain at her back so I did.

When the child finally decided to make an appearance it all seemed to go by incredibly fast. I was looking down past Tess’s shoulder, our cheeks pressed together as she shouted. I saw a patch of dark hair begin to push it’s way out until a tiny face emerged. I was overwhelmed yet again. There was a live human being inside Tess and I had put it there!

It all happened even faster after that. It seemed like mere moments had gone by and suddenly Tess was holding a small bloody body at her breast. John had left the cord untouched until Tess passed the afterbirth but then he made me help sever it and neatly clipped the remainder. I nearly fainted from the shock of it. My baby….the baby I had made with Tess was here and John had taken care of all of us. Tears bubbled up and soon Tess and I were weeping together as we were consumed with love for this new little life we had made out of one another.

Then I wasn’t on the sofa with Tess. John needed to clean her up and do other things so I found myself being guided backward until I was able to sink into an overstuffed chair placed in the corner. I stared down at the bundle now in my arms. It was mostly soft clothes but there at the top was a small wrinkled face of a wise old man only minutes old. With trembling fingers I undid the folds that hid the child from view and began to really register my son’s appearance. Tucked in the center of the cloths was large strangely shaped head attached to a tiny fat body. There was a velvet dusting of raven black hair on his head. My hands moved on their own to touch the softest skin I'd ever felt and smelled the sweetest scent I'd ever encountered.

Tiny fingers curled around my own, barely able to hold a single digit but did so firmly. Sleepily his lids parted to reveal smoky gray eyes that latched onto mine for a long minute before simply closing again to resume his nap. Being born was exhausting. A single clear note rang out in my mind, then another and another until I could hear a grand symphony playing out. A chorus. A tribute. The vastness of the song raced through the entirety of my being and suddenly everything grew ordered and calm as the song gave pace to everything within. I was suddenly amazed with the miraculous combination of DNA now sleeping in my arm. This accident. No. This surprise. This marvelous, astounding, unbelievable surprise.

“Tess needs him back now love.” said John, tears of joy brimming in his eyes. I nodded and allowed John to gingerly transfer the babe from one set of arms to the other. I followed him to the bedroom where Tess was freshly settled. The doctor walked carefully over to our darling Tess and laid the child at her breast. Mother and son were soon engaged in the oldest of rituals as he nursed. My hands trembled and I couldn't stop staring at the baby. He lay naked on Tess' body, firmly attached to a generous breast. Tess was still lush and filled with delicious curves but understandably she was much reduced and I suddenly missed the vast pregnant body I had so enjoyed.

John bustled around in a fury of busyness, making notes about the birth. “I wish we had proper equipment here. I'll have to guess his measurements and weight.” John cleaned everything up efficiently and I helped by staying out of the way. The song still had me and the baby was the focus of all of my remaining attentions. I rattled off all the measurements I'd observed in my brief encounter with my child. John blinked and we looked at one another. That was unexpected. I hadn’t been able to do such a thing for months.

“Did you just deduce you own child?” demanded Tess. I turned my eyes to hers and shrugged. Apparently I had but John was still noting down what I had said. An educated guess by me was the same as exacting measurements from anyone else.

“It's what I used do Tess, surely you know. It's how used to I see the world, all the time.” I had gotten better at throwing up the filters so I only saw the bare minimum of the chaos around me but even that was more than most people ever observed. Preventing myself from seeing all of it at once was still an issue but I was working on it. I wondered yet again if I had cursed my poor son with the same gift and felt a twinge of anxiety.

“John he's making that face again.” said Tess wearily. She was sipping on a drink and laying her head back. Her arm held the baby neatly against her body. For a woman who had just given birth under less than ideal circumstances she was incredibly relaxed and comfortable seeming. “Sweetie, I'm perfectly happy here. John is the best doctor around, who would have been better? We're here all together, we did it together. It's all good. Come love, there's room beside us, come up.”

Oh Tess. Wonderful, beautiful, loving, child-bearing Tess! I shrugged myself out of my coat and shoes before climbing ever so carefully into bed with Tess and our baby. John was still misty and couldn't seem to stop himself from buzzing around all over the room. Finally even he couldn't clean everything yet again and so he came up to the bedside where Tess and the baby had dozed off together but I was lying there in absolute silence with a serene look on my face. I knew I looked like the Sherlock of old, the wild young Sherlock that John had first met all those years ago. “I hear music John, a beautiful song. It's been playing in my head since I first touched the baby. The song keeps playing over and over again. I will write it all down later but for now, for now the song is lovely.”

My husband leaned over and kissed my temple. I understood his expression, if the song I heard had caused John’s tempestuous madman to calm and still then John couldn't wait to hear it. Life was going to be so different now that the baby was finally here. John was beside himself with joy. Everything was perfect. Our marriage was stronger than ever. Our relationship to Tess had grown and blossomed. There was a baby, a beautiful, strong and probably devilishly intelligent baby. A super baby; Tess AND myself combined, a baby who at approximately 45 minutes of life probably had more brain power at its baby disposal than a roomful of specialists at CERN. Now John had to sit down.

I could practically read the panic on his face. John was thinking: How would John deal with that? Three super geniuses and John with his miraculous tea making abilities. Tess had awakened from her doze. She nudged me. “John's derailed.” I looked over his shoulder again. John had finally overloaded. After hours of being calm and in charge, capably taking over the birth of the baby while I was in heightened state of panic and Tess was of course laboring John had finally reached his limit. John was sitting on the same chair I had recently vacated and he was gazing blankly in the general direction of the sleeping babe. I carefully removed myself from the bed and knelt in front of my husband. “John?”

I repressed a smile knowing he would not appreciate my amusement as his worry, especially since he had been so good dealing with mine. “Super baby tea maker.” said John with a start. He seemed as surprised as I was with his announcement.

“What?” I was confused. Was this some kind of shopping list? What did John need with a tea-maker? Did they sell such things for newborns? I was pretty sure babies didn't drink tea anyway so I looked carefully at John. My doctor was anxious. Worried. Insecure. Feeling...Sherlock wasn't as good at deducing actual feelings but his impression was that John wasn't feeling up to a challenge of some sort. John doubted himself! Why would John suddenly doubt himself? He was brilliant, capable, adaptable and so wonderful at providing focus for Sherlock.

“Sherlock I am so dumb compared to the three of you. The baby is already smarter than me and he hasn't even pooped yet.” That whole statement did nothing to clear up my confusion. How did one measure intelligence via the ability to soil oneself? “I mean he's a newborn and already has a probable IQ that far exceeds my own.”

“Well it's very likely that he's highly intelligent but perhaps we can wait until he's at least old enough to hold up his own head before we start passing judgments on his mental capacity.” commented Tess idly. “We haven't named him yet.”

Sherlock thought about this. He had a name chosen, one he hoped Tess would like even if it came with a bit of baggage. Maybe she wouldn't mind it. Sherlock pondered for a minute before offering it up. “Hamish.”

“Oh god no Sherlock! Don't burden him with my awful middle name!” John protested instantly. He clearly thought this baby should have an unusual name like his father, not the name of some dodgy old soldier who wore frumpy jumpers on a daily basis.

“I'm sorry John but you don't get a say in what we name our child.” stated Tess flatly. She looked at Sherlock. “Hamish it is. Hullo love. Baby Hamish. Hi Hamish. Momma loves her Hamish, yes she does.” Tess was literally cooing to her son. John sat there feeling a bit blindsided. He hadn't expected us to name our son after him. I was still on his knees in front of my lover. Tess looked over and smiled.

“You are my family John as is my son and now Tess. We're all connected now, one way or another. Please don’t object to my son’s name. I’m rather fond of the person he’s named after.”

John stopped objecting. Today we were starting a new life, the four of us. We’d have our ups and our downs, our good days and our bad days. The baby would test my new capacities but John and Tess would watch us both and let us be ourselves. Suddenly I wasn’t afraid anymore. That feeling of slightly untethered had faded away and now I felt rooted to the world. My son was here, my sweet Hamish and I loved him so much. I looked up to the people who held my heart in their hands, “I’ll love you all forever.”

That was a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate comments and suggestions. I know I've pulled these characters apart and put them back together differently but it's all unfurling in my head. All I need to to is write it out.


End file.
